Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to freetime activity of young people. What extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, many people believe that the authorities must focus on the education of the young.

However

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, there is remain discrepancy that more government money should be spent to enhance children's free

time

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activity. In

this

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essay, I totally agree with the following statement. First and foremost, spending on break space activity has many positive effects on students’ health and fitness. Children can build their bodies and endurance through

sports

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. In

this

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light of the requirement of strength.

Moreover

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, not all successful career paths are academically inclined, some rely heavily on skills developed through free-

time

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activities, like

sports

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or the arts.

In addition

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, playing activities helps senior’s behaviour and mindfulness more active.

For example

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, scientists do some research about learning effectively which shows that taking a break after studying for a long

time

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plays an important role in the learner’s thinking because

this

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is a strong connection between body and mindfulness in humans so when we play some games like

sports

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, our frame will be active and flexible that lead to a sharp agility thinking.

Secondly

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, playing some

sports

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after learning for a long hour in the morning makes people feel more conscious and

this

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also

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totally aware of all of the parts of our body

such

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as the eyes, and brain and improves the brain system state in our mind.

Furthermore

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, doing some active action in the morning provides good nutrition

due to

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the light of the sun.

This

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affects positively to the torso system positively because it will adjust the hormones to re-regulate the core after awakening in the morning.

Therefore

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this

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benefit helps students study with more productivity, flexibility and effectiveness in the next long

time

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studying lessons. In conclusion, governments in many countries should spend their money on break

time

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activities because of its positive benefits on mental and physical health.

Therefore

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, it can avoid the issue of burnout

due to

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overwhelming academic pressure.

Wed Jun 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay would benefit from more structured and clearer argumentation. While you have provided some good points, these points could be better organized to improve the logical flow. Make sure each main idea is clearly distinguished from the others.

task achievement

Your essay should include specific and diverse examples that strongly back up your arguments. Try to use examples with concrete details, and make sure they are directly relevant to your points.

task achievement

While your points are clear, some sections of your essay could be more comprehensive. Try to elaborate more on each main point to give it the depth it needs. Each paragraph should ideally cover one main idea and explore it fully.

coherence cohesion

You have successfully written an introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for your essay.

task achievement

Your response addresses the prompt well, discussing the importance of free-time activities and supporting it with relevant points.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

317 words

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Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to freetime activity of young people. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why is this? Do you think the government should spend more money supporting the local film industry?

A poor infrastructure hinders under developed countries from progressing and modernizing. Some people think this should be the first problem tackled by foreign aid. To what extent do you agree?

Many people think the fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. What is your opinion?

Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?