Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to freetime activity of young people. What extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many people believe that the authorities must focus on the education of the young.
However
, there is remain discrepancy that more government money should be spent to enhance children's free time
activity. In this
essay, I totally agree with the following statement.
First and foremost, spending on break space activity has many positive effects on students’ health and fitness. Children can build their bodies and endurance through sports
. In this
light of the requirement of strength. Moreover
, not all successful career paths are academically inclined, some rely heavily on skills developed through free-time
activities, like sports
or the arts. In addition
, playing activities helps senior’s behaviour and mindfulness more active. For example
, scientists do some research about learning effectively which shows that taking a break after studying for a long time
plays an important role in the learner’s thinking because this
is a strong connection between body and mindfulness in humans so when we play some games like sports
, our frame will be active and flexible that lead to a sharp agility thinking.
Secondly
, playing some sports
after learning for a long hour in the morning makes people feel more conscious and this
also
totally aware of all of the parts of our body such
as the eyes, and brain and improves the brain system state in our mind. Furthermore
, doing some active action in the morning provides good nutrition due to
the light of the sun. This
affects positively to the torso system positively because it will adjust the hormones to re-regulate the core after awakening in the morning. Therefore
, this
benefit helps students study with more productivity, flexibility and effectiveness in the next long time
studying lessons.
In conclusion, governments in many countries should spend their money on break time
activities because of its positive benefits on mental and physical health. Therefore
, it can avoid the issue of burnout due to
overwhelming academic pressure.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more structured and clearer argumentation. While you have provided some good points, these points could be better organized to improve the logical flow. Make sure each main idea is clearly distinguished from the others.
task achievement
Your essay should include specific and diverse examples that strongly back up your arguments. Try to use examples with concrete details, and make sure they are directly relevant to your points.
task achievement
While your points are clear, some sections of your essay could be more comprehensive. Try to elaborate more on each main point to give it the depth it needs. Each paragraph should ideally cover one main idea and explore it fully.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully written an introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for your essay.
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt well, discussing the importance of free-time activities and supporting it with relevant points.
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