IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that children should begin their formal educatiom at a very early age. Some think they should begin at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #educatiom #age #think #years
It is suggested that
children
 start their formal
education
 at as early
age
 as possible, but 7
years
 old is the optimal
age
 to start
education
.
Although
children
 learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic knowledge and language
skills
 between 4 and 6
years
 old,
children
's brains are totally ready for learning at 7
years
 old. Between 4 and 6
years
 old, the brains of
children
 focus on only grasping new information. If they start their
education
 at
this
age
, it may be easy to develop basic language
skills
 and learn main knowledge
such
 as basic calculation, alphabet, numbers and so on.
However
, at
this
 period, it is required to take care individually of each child.
Therefore
, schools are not the right childcare environment for very young people.
On the other hand
, 7
years
 old is the optimal
age
 for beginning formal
education
. The main reason is that the brains of
children
 are more active than in other
age
 periods. Problem-solving
skills
, creativity, understanding, protecting themselves and
such
 kinds of
skills
 are developed at
this
age
.
Moreover
,
children
 start social communication with others at
this
age
.
This
 means that they can make new friends and interact with school teachers. From
statistical
Add an article
a statistical
show examples
 perspective, in some countries, where formal
education
 starts at 7
years
 old, the
education
 system is more effective than in other countries.
Thus
,
children
 should go to school at least 7
years
 old. In conclusion,
children
 can learn basic knowledge at an early
age
. But, 7
years
 old is the optimal
age
 for starting formal
education
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
It's important to elaborate more on specific examples and provide data or studies to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention studies that show cognitive development peaks at certain ages.
task achievement
Your main points are generally clear, but there is room to improve the sophistication and relevance of your examples. Try to address potential counterarguments to strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical flow, integrating linking phrases and transition words can further enhance coherence. This will make your arguments more connected and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are effective, reinforcing key points in the conclusion would provide a more compelling finish and emphasize your stance more strongly.
coherence cohesion
The clear structure of your essay, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, makes it very readable.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach and strengthens your overall response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: