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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that children should start school as early as possible, while others believe that children should begin school when they are at least 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #school #years
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While
 many argue that
kids
 had better begin formal education at a very early age, others believe that parents should not let their
children
 go to
school
 until they are seven. I believe that
although
 not going to
school
 before 7 might benefit
kids
 in some ways, joining a
school
 at an earlier age is definitely a wiser choice. On the one hand, there might be some advantages when
children
 going to
school
 at the age of least 7.
Firstly
, not having to
school
 so early means they can attend art or music classes that might make them more creative and sensitive when they grow up,
Moreover
, they may have more time to play around with other
children
 and can develop naturally as
children
 of 4 or five decades ago. That might relief the pressure in life and
thus
, reduce risk of diseases like autism or depression which are more and more popular with
children
 in modern life.
For instance
, researches show that the percentage of
children
 in big cities, where they have to go to
school
 so early, having mental problems
such
 as depression or autism higher compared with
kids
 in the countryside.
On the other hand
, let the
kids
 join classes in
school
 early is a must and a precise decision. Human society is developing rapidly, and the competition is increasing in a fiercely way.
Therefore
children
 should be sent to
school
 before seven so that they will have chance to attend some years of kindergarten so that they can not only study how to do some simple tasks, but
also
 to study about rules to develop in a group or a community which will be vital for their future life.
For example
,
kids
 in kindergarten will be taught how to do simple tasks
such
 as personal hygiene, some basic skills of writing or reading
as well as
 what they should do and do not so as to be peaceful in group. I believe that
this
 will help them to save time when they entering primary
school
 compared with
children
 who do not go to
school
 before seven. In conclusion, I am convinced that
although
 going to
school
 at later might be positive to
children
 in some ways,
kids
 who join
school
 earlier will have more advantages.
Submitted by hoangdaosales on

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to be more specific about the advantages and disadvantages of both views before stating your opinion. This can help clarify the direction of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea. This will enhance logical flow and coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and effectively provides a personal opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the reference to mental health research, effectively supports your arguments and demonstrates real-world application.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the argument and reiterates your opinion, providing a strong closing to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical developmental period
  • foundational skills
  • learning difficulties
  • long-term academic outcomes
  • structured learning environments
  • emotional and social development
  • mental health
  • well-rounded development
  • natural pace of childhood development
  • cognitive and personal growth
  • mature emotionally and socially
  • structured demands
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