IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that developments involving the internet have brought people closer together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #developments #internet #communities
Few people are of the opinion that
advent
Correct article usage
the advent
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 technology and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has connected people irrespective of their residence
while
 others contradict that it has developed a gap between
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 resulting in
bereft
Correct article usage
a bereft
show examples
 of direct communication causing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
distress in their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. My opinion is divided and reasonings shall be discussed in the following passages. On one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and its tangential aspects are developing at a
lightening
Correct your spelling
lightning
show examples
 speed. Applications
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp are helping mankind connect regardless of where they live. Without the aforementioned apps, talking to our loved ones who
resides
Correct subject-verb agreement
reside
show examples
 on the other side of the world could cost
fortune
Add an article
a fortune
show examples
 and it can
also
 be difficult due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
time
 factor.
However
, with
this
 advanced
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 we are able to connect with them in one touch and at
fraction
Correct article usage
a fraction
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the costs
show examples
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
show examples
.
For example
, during COVID-19 I was away from my family
due to
 work
commitment
Fix the agreement mistake
commitments
show examples
. I wasn't able to return home
due to
travel
Correct article usage
a travel
show examples
 ban. During,
this
 strenuous
time
 we all managed to stay connected through WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger. Without
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 we would have experienced depression
due to
 lack of communication. Having said that,
on the contrary
, some say people are often isolated because many spend more
time
 on social media
instead
 of communicating with their loved ones. Despite being closer, they feel far away and lonely. Scrolling down reels and videos
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 taken precedence over spending quality
time
 with family and friends.
In addition
, citizens have started to forget their own parents, partners and sibling's birthday's, anniversaries, and other important dates. Failing to wish them on significant days makes their kith and kin feel left out.
Also
, some only wish through
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
.
This
 simply depicts that they do not have
time
 to call their relatives or friends to even make a call.
For instance
, my best friend who always
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it a point to call me on my birthday has not called me since the evolution of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Facebook. She only messages me which has
costed
Wrong verb form
cost
show examples
 our friendship
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
 making me assume
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am not of any importance to her.
Over all
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
, I believe that advancement in any field is necessary for globalization. But it should not happen at the cost of diminishing the importance of
relationship
Correct article usage
a relationship
show examples
.
Balanced
Add an article
A balanced
The balanced
show examples
 approach
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 and other social media can foster a more cohesive environment for all humans.
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

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task response
Your essay needs a clearer statement of your own opinion in the introduction. Be more direct and explicit in stating your stance.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to avoid run-on sentences and improve clarity.
task response
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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