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Band 7

It is common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer.

#aspiration #people #business #work #employer
These days, it is a common aim of many people leaving university to try to start up their own
company
. They believe that running a
business
 has many advantages over working for someone else,
such
 as the freedom to make your own
decisions
. I agree with
this
 point of view, but it is important to bear in mind that running a
business
 does not suit everybody. There are several benefits of setting up your own
business
. For me, the main one is that you have room to be creative.
Instead
 of having to follow your employer's
decisions
, you can set the goals for the
business
yourseelf
Correct your spelling
yourself
, which means that you feel more in control.
This
 generally
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
 in people feeling happier in their job. Not only that, you can
also
 keep the profits if the
company
 is successful. If all goes well, you will earn far more than if you work for someone else.
For instance
, if you set up your own
graphic-design
Correct your spelling
graphic design
show examples
company
, and you build a good reputation, you will be able to make substantial profits. You will
therefore
 be more motivated to work hard, in order to make a success of your
company
. Having said that, it is undeniable that running a
business
 is risky. If there is an economic downturn, or you make mistakes in your
business
decisions
, your
company
 can go bust, which can mean that you lose everything and you have to lay off your staff.
Moreover
, it is very hard to switch off at weekends, because the
business
 is always in the back of your mind.
To sum up
,
although
 there is no doubt there are some risks associated with running your own
business
, I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, particularly with regard to making
decisions
.
However
, it should be said that not everyone is a risk-taker, and some prefer to work for someone else.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is very well-organized with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, a bit more variety in sentence structures might make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported, but consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your arguments even more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Strong logical structure with clear paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Both introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Main points are supported with relevant details and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • aspiration
  • entrepreneur
  • flexibility
  • decision-making
  • financial rewards
  • personal fulfillment
  • challenges
  • financial risk
  • invested capital
  • cash flow
  • guaranteed income
  • work-life balance
  • responsibility
  • pressure
  • burnout
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