Nowadays increasing overweight is a problem, some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays, with the advent of processed foods, the number of obese
people
is rising significantly. Other than that, even the youngest are becoming lazier and they prefer video games over sports. In fact, many people
believe that universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses.
Personally, I completely agree with this
view but I also
believe universities should educate students on how important high-quality food is.
Currently, people
are extremely busy and lazy thus
, they tend to opt for quicker meals, which most of the time are not the healthiest version. For example
, they tend to consume fatty and fried foods rather than nutrient-dense options. This
problem is correlated with the lack of exercise. In fact, it is important to educate students and make them aware of how movement is important for their health
. By improving their eating habits and starting to move more, they would have many benefits. Furthermore
, obesity and a sedentary lifestyle are related to numerous health
problems such
as diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, and heart attacks. Since we are different from each other, schools should offer different kinds of activities such
as pilates, swimming, running, volleyball and others.
Moreover
, sport has many advantages for mental health
. It helps release endorphins which make us feel better. In addition
to that, sport helps the brain maintain fast processing of thoughts. In fact, people
who play sports, are often brilliant and successful in school.
To conclude
, I firmly believe sports should be made mandatory because it would be beneficial to everybody's health
and thus
, an investment in our future health
.Submitted by chi63hi
on
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task achievement
While the essay provides a clear response to the task and presents comprehensive ideas, including the importance of educating students about quality food could be developed further for a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure can be improved by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus and that transitions between ideas are seamless.
task achievement
Using more specific examples and evidence will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing. For instance, citing studies or statistics about the benefits of exercise on health and academic performance.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction presents the problem and the essay’s stance clearly and concisely, which sets a solid foundation for the rest of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments and reinforces the essay's main stance, making it a strong ending to the discussion.
supported main points
Supporting points such as the health benefits of exercise and various types of activities that schools could offer add depth to the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.