In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
In contemporary society, health has become a concern with the development of healthcare services.
However
, many folks in some nations are now overweight. As far as I am concerned, this
matter can result from various reasons, which can be addressed using appropriate measures.
To begin
with, one of the key factors contributing to the growth in the average person's weight is the consumption of unhealthy food
. This
is evidence that individuals these days tend to eat too much fast food
, junk food
, and processed foods instead
of home-cooked food
. It is a fact that these types of foods seem to be an appealing option because they are more convenient and time-saving, but they are loaded with high cholesterol and chemical additives. As a result
, this
can affect people's health, leading to obesity and diabetes when eaten excessively. Another factor that could be leading to this
situation is the sedentary lifestyle of the population. This
is because they are too busy with their work or schedule; therefore
, they cannot set the amount of time to work out or do physical activities.
However
, some measures should be taken to address this
problem. Firstly
, consumers should follow a healthy and balanced diet, which means eating cuisine that contains lots of vitamins and minerals and is nutritious. Besides
that, limit the intake of fast food
or foods of unclear origin that pose a health risk. In addition
, the government should tighten its laws for fast foodstuffs, such
as by raising the tax or banning the advertising of unhealthy meals. What is more, citizens should add more physical exercise to their regular lives as a good habit.
In conclusion, numerous reasons contribute to being overweight in a community, such
as an unhealthy diet or a sedentary lifestyle, but there are various possible ways that can be used to impede this
situation.Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt comprehensively by identifying causes (unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle) and providing relevant solutions (healthy diet, regulation of fast food, and physical exercise). To further enhance the task response, include more specific examples and possibly statistical data to support your points more robustly.
coherence cohesion
While the essay demonstrates a logical structure and clear progression of ideas, ensure seamless cohesion between paragraphs. For instance, link the causes and solutions more explicitly to improve the flow. Transitional phrases such as 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could strengthen the connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, consider introducing and concluding the essay with insightful hooks or summaries that encapsulate the essay’s main points more vividly. Although the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing the gravity or implications of the problem could leave a more lasting impression.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction that sets the context and outlines the primary focus of the discussion. This helps in immediately engaging the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your use of a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary adds depth to the essay and makes it engaging. This helps in maintaining the reader’s interest.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes effectively by summarizing the causes and solutions, providing a well-rounded closure to the discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example