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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the support of celebrities for international aid organisations draws attention to their causes, while others think celebrity support makes their causes seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The involvement of
celebrities
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 in supporting international
aid
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organizations
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 has sparked a debate about its
overall
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 impact.
While
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 some argue that
celebrity
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 endorsement helps to raise awareness and gather
support
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 for important causes, others believe that it may trivialize the seriousness of these
issues
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. Both perspectives hold merit and deserve careful consideration. On one hand,
celebrity
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support
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 can significantly benefit international
aid
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organizations
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.
Celebrities
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 often have vast social media followings and substantial public influence, allowing them to bring attention to global
issues
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 that might
otherwise
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 go unnoticed.
For example
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, when famous figures
such
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 as Angelina Jolie or Leonardo DiCaprio advocate for environmental conservation or refugee rights, their message reaches millions of people worldwide.
This
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 heightened visibility can translate into increased donations, public engagement, and pressure on governments to take action. In
this
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 sense,
celebrity
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 involvement can act as a powerful tool for positive change.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that
celebrity
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 endorsements can sometimes undermine the seriousness of important causes. The media often focuses more on the
celebrity
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 than the issue itself, shifting public attention away from the root problems.
For instance
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, headlines might emphasize a
celebrity
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’s outfit at a charity event rather than the event’s purpose.
Additionally
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, some critics question the authenticity of
celebrity
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support
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, suspecting that certain public figures may engage in
such
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 advocacy merely for publicity or to enhance their personal image.
This
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skepticism
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scepticism
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 can reduce public trust and overshadow the genuine work of
aid
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organizations
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. In my opinion,
while
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 there are valid concerns about the downsides of
celebrity
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 involvement, the
overall
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 impact tends to be positive.
Celebrities
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 have an undeniable ability to amplify important messages and inspire action. To mitigate the risks of trivialization, international
aid
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organizations
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 should strive to balance
celebrity
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support
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 with substantive information about their causes, ensuring that the focus remains on the
issues
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 rather than the individuals promoting them. In conclusion, though some worry that
celebrity
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 endorsements may detract from the gravity of global
issues
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, their potential to raise awareness and generate
support
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 cannot be ignored. With thoughtful collaboration between
celebrities
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 and
aid
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organizations
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,
this
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 partnership can be a force for meaningful change.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating slightly more on the counter-arguments regarding the perception of celebrity endorsements, perhaps including a specific example or statistic to strengthen your point.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the transitions between paragraphs are smooth, perhaps by using transitional phrases to further guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic and your position regarding celebrity involvement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Garner significant media attention
  • Raise awareness
  • International aid organisations
  • Increased donations and support
  • Lend credibility
  • Sense of urgency
  • Overshadow the actual issues
  • Superficial understanding
  • Complexities of the issues
  • Perceived as a trend
  • Public perception
  • Media attention
  • Broader audience
  • Social media following
  • Relatable to the general public
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