IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

All companies should provide sports and social facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #facilities #community
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Opinions are divided on whether the provision of
sports
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 and social
facilities
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 to the local
community
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 should be an obligation for all
companies
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.
Although
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 I may acknowledge the benefits of
this
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 suggestion, I still firmly think that
this
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 should not be mandatory for all. Those who are in favour of
companies
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 providing
sports
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 and social
facilities
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 may have several cogent arguments. They may well argue that by doing so,
companies
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 can enhance their public image.
For instance
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, Google, Apple, and other technology giants have been known to invest in local
community
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 projects, which has boosted their reputation as organizations that fulfil their corporate social responsibility.
Furthermore
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, providing
sports
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 and social
facilities
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 can have a direct positive impact on employees of the company.
As a result
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, access to these amenities can improve employee well-being, reduce stress, and increase
overall
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 job satisfaction, which can make them more likely to be productive and engaged in their work and in turn ultimately benefit the company.
Nevertheless
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, I am firmly against the notion that all
companies
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 should be responsible for providing these
facilities
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. One primary concern is that not all
companies
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 have the financial capability to undertake
such
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 initiatives.The reason for
this
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 is that small and medium-sized enterprises,
in particular
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, may struggle to allocate funds for
community
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 projects without compromising their core business operations. Another reason is that the responsibility of providing
sports
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 and social
facilities
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 traditionally should mainly fall within the realm of government and public institutions as these entities are better positioned to assess
community
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 needs and allocate resources
accordingly
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.
While
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 corporate involvement is beneficial, it should complement, rather than replace, public efforts. In conclusion,
while
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 it is beneficial for
companies
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 to provide
sports
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 and social
facilities
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 to the local
community
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,
this
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 should not be an obligation for all
companies
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.
Therefore
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, large corporations with the necessary resources can and should contribute to
community
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 development as part of their corporate social responsibility initiatives;
however
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, smaller businesses should not be compelled to undertake
such
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 projects if it jeopardizes their financial stability.
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task achievement
The essay effectively responds to the task by addressing both views and providing a clear stance. However, you could further elaborate on reasons and provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning how small enterprises might currently struggle financially even without additional obligations would add depth to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Phrases like 'On the other hand,' 'In contrast,' and 'Additionally' can enhance flow between points.
task achievement
While your main points are well-supported, providing more specific examples and evidence would further bolster your arguments. For instance, reference specific studies or statistics about the financial burden on small businesses or the effectiveness of community efforts led by large corporations.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas, making your stance easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with well-developed paragraphs, contributing to its clarity.
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