IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

All companies should provide sports and social facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Opinions are divided on whether the provision of
sports
Use synonyms
 and social
facilities
Use synonyms
 to the local
community
Use synonyms
 should be an obligation for all
companies
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 I may acknowledge the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 suggestion, I still firmly think that
this
Linking Words
 should not be mandatory for all. Those who are in favour of
companies
Use synonyms
 providing
sports
Use synonyms
 and social
facilities
Use synonyms
 may have several cogent arguments. They may well argue that by doing so,
companies
Use synonyms
 can enhance their public image.
For instance
Linking Words
, Google, Apple, and other technology giants have been known to invest in local
community
Use synonyms
 projects, which has boosted their reputation as organizations that fulfil their corporate social responsibility.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, providing
sports
Use synonyms
 and social
facilities
Use synonyms
 can have a direct positive impact on employees of the company.
As a result
Linking Words
, access to these amenities can improve employee well-being, reduce stress, and increase
overall
Linking Words
 job satisfaction, which can make them more likely to be productive and engaged in their work and in turn ultimately benefit the company.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I am firmly against the notion that all
companies
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for providing these
facilities
Use synonyms
. One primary concern is that not all
companies
Use synonyms
 have the financial capability to undertake
such
Linking Words
 initiatives.The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that small and medium-sized enterprises,
in particular
Linking Words
, may struggle to allocate funds for
community
Use synonyms
 projects without compromising their core business operations. Another reason is that the responsibility of providing
sports
Use synonyms
 and social
facilities
Use synonyms
 traditionally should mainly fall within the realm of government and public institutions as these entities are better positioned to assess
community
Use synonyms
 needs and allocate resources
accordingly
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 corporate involvement is beneficial, it should complement, rather than replace, public efforts. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is beneficial for
companies
Use synonyms
 to provide
sports
Use synonyms
 and social
facilities
Use synonyms
 to the local
community
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 should not be an obligation for all
companies
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, large corporations with the necessary resources can and should contribute to
community
Use synonyms
 development as part of their corporate social responsibility initiatives;
however
Linking Words
, smaller businesses should not be compelled to undertake
such
Linking Words
 projects if it jeopardizes their financial stability.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay effectively responds to the task by addressing both views and providing a clear stance. However, you could further elaborate on reasons and provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning how small enterprises might currently struggle financially even without additional obligations would add depth to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Phrases like 'On the other hand,' 'In contrast,' and 'Additionally' can enhance flow between points.
task achievement
While your main points are well-supported, providing more specific examples and evidence would further bolster your arguments. For instance, reference specific studies or statistics about the financial burden on small businesses or the effectiveness of community efforts led by large corporations.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas, making your stance easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with well-developed paragraphs, contributing to its clarity.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: