The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the modern era, many places worldwide are experiencing a rise in the number of elderly
people
and some
people
believe that
this
phenomenon can be beneficial
while
others have the opposite view.
This
writer supports the idea of the advantage coming from an ageing population because of the high-quality workforce and more
job
opportunities rather than the economic burden caused by old residents.
To begin
with, it is vital to acknowledge that an old population can increase the quality of workers. An ageing community means that there are multiple old employees who are already equipped with vast knowledge and experience relating to the work;
therefore
, execute the
job
perfectly.
Moreover
, these old labourers can share or teach the young generation about what they know, giving tips and tricks relating to the
job
.
As a result
, improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity in general. Take educational systems in Vietnam as a contextual example, many former teachers supervise trainees in order to get them up to the standard to actually be in charge of their own classes.
However
, some argue that the frequent appearance of old citizens can lead to an economic burden. They showed that
due to
ageing, many elderly have to suffer from health problems,
unabling
Correct your spelling
enabling
them to continue working so retirement is inevitable. After retiring, these
people
will live off
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
pensions and if there were too many citizens like that, it would be impossible for authorities to afford, resulting in a loss in the countries' finances.
This
might seem like a valid argument, but since the elderly have contributed a lot to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
the nation's economy when they were young, spending on pensions will not have any effect on the financial situation. In my eyes, it must be considered that having an ageing population can create more
job
opportunities. To be more specific, many retired residents have to deal with health issues so often that there will be an increase in the demand for healthcare services. A number of brand-new hospitals and nursing
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
will be built to cope with the current status, offering more career paths for youngsters.
For instance
, Japan is currently ranking in first place with the highest rate of old
people
and
this
trend has allowed teenagers with more careers to choose from. In conclusion, an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
nation can benefit from well-qualified workers and work opportunities
instead
of the demerit of economic burden.
Hence
this
essay has given clear points to demonstrate the author's supportiveness to the statement of having elderly
people
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more precise structuring of the arguments. Make sure to develop each main point separately and support it with clear, detailed examples.
task achievement
Try to enhance your analysis on how the aging population could lead to more job opportunities. Expand on this argument with detailed examples and logical reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriately summarize your main points, which helps to frame your argument well.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and relevant to the topic, and you have provided specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the educational system in Vietnam.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: