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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
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Given are two charts providing a comparison of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995,
as well as
Linking Words
 the certain
percentages
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 visiting Australia. It can be inferred from the illustration that the number of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists travelling abroad climbed steadily from 5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 people in 1985 to approximately 11
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 1990. But in 1991, the
Use synonyms
Japanese
Correct quantifier usage
number of Japanese
show examples
travellers
Use synonyms
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 steadily to 10.5
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millions
Change to singular
million
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. Before soaring to a staggering 15
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1995, the number of
travellers
Use synonyms
 remained stable between 1992 and 1994 with 13
million
Use synonyms
travellers
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. It is
also
Linking Words
 interesting to note that only 2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 out of 5
million
Use synonyms
travellers
Use synonyms
 in 1985 went to Australia. The
Use synonyms
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists in
Australi
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
 went up steadily to 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 from 9.5
million
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 in 1989.
However
Linking Words
, in 1990, the
Use synonyms
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 slipped to approximately 4.2
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. By far the highest
Use synonyms
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 visited Australia in 1994 with 6.2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 13.5
million
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 people,
by contrast
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year, the
Use synonyms
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 dropped steadily to 6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 out of 15
million
Use synonyms
travellers
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, percentages, millions, travellers, million, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourist market
  • overseas travel
  • tourism industry
  • international campaigns
  • economic prosperity
  • travel preferences
  • market share
  • fluctuations
  • peak
  • trend
  • attracting
  • destination
  • variability
  • contributing factors
  • currency exchange rates
  • speculate
  • tourism policies
  • competitive markets
  • popularity
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