Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a common view that the ministry should pay attention to treating the pollution state and housing problems in order to help their residents live without illness and disease. The writer disagrees with
this
as the illness is not mainly caused by outside elements, but it is attributed to the lifestyle of citizens. When it comes to disease, living a sedentary lifestyle is known as a cause that authorities should focus on more.
That is
to say, in modern society, people are more likely to work jobs that involve sitting in front of a screen all hours, and
this
leads to them
have not
Verb problem
having
show examples
enough time for doing exercises or playing sports, In the long run, the result is they will be out of condition which is a sort of illness. Another crucial component that governments should care about mostly to reduce the rate of dwellers's disease is over-eating problems. To put it simply, it can be seen that by the increasing advertisement campaigns of fast food companies, citizens cannot control straightforward in what they consume and the frequency of that activity
although
they might be aware of the consequences of eating that kind of food excessively,
this
situation contributes to the rising of the ratio of being prone to obesity. Take America as a remarkable example, the state of overweight has sprouted across the country because the residents there are addictive food consumers. In conclusion, two important things that governments ought to concentrate on more than pollution and housing issues are not only the perception of doing exercises but
also
the administration capable of selecting types of foods can eat and how frequently residents eat.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay discusses several health issues such as sedentary lifestyles and over-eating, but it does not fully address the prompt, which asks about the role of governments in reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to prevent diseases. Ensure your response remains focused on the prompt throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas would benefit from more cohesive connections. For instance, using more linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your points. For example, mentioning specific studies or reports on how pollution affects health would add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!