IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Your children go to a local school that requires volunteers to accompany school science trips Write a letter to the school to apply to be a volunteer. In the letter: - Introduce yourself and give details of your children who attend the school - Explain why you are interested in the position - Talk about any relevant experience that you have with children

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Dear Sir, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my interest in working as a
volunteer
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is required to accompany my children during the school science trip next month.
To begin
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 with, I am Samira Reddy and I have been living in the City Park area since 2023.
Besides
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, I have been working in a multinational company as a data analyst since 2022.
Furthermore
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, my son, Saimon Reddy, is currently studying at your renowned school in grade six. Since the school committee has arranged an annual trip to a science festival in Thailand, I am really interested in working as a
volunteer
Use synonyms
 to accompany my son during the event. As other guardians and students are going to be
attended
Wrong verb form
attending
show examples
 there, I firmly believe it will help me to increase my social networking.
However
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, I think I could manage
this
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 program nicely as an experienced
volunteer
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because I worked in a multinational NGO as a program coordinator for two years in the coastal area, where I was privileged to work for displaced children. I hope you will allow me to participate in
this
Linking Words
 program as a
volunteer
Use synonyms
 by considering the above-mentioned information. Yours faithfully, Thomas Johnson

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Greeting and Closing
Ensure that your letter is addressed to the appropriate person or department. Using 'Dear Sir' is generic; if possible, use a specific name or title.
Greeting and Closing
Your introduction and closing need a bit of work to align with the context of a formal letter. Introductions in formal letters should be concise and directly address the purpose of your letter. The closing could be improved by adding a more formal touch, such as 'Kind regards' instead of 'Yours faithfully', when you have mentioned your name earlier.
Logical Structure
The letter has a good logical structure, with each paragraph introducing a new idea related to your application (personal introduction, expressing interest, and discussing relevant experience). However, the transition between paragraphs can be smoothed out, and each paragraph could be developed further to make your letter more compelling.
Single Idea per Paragraph
You have maintained a single idea per paragraph which aids in the reader's understanding. However, the development of each idea could be enhanced by providing more specific examples and reasons to support your statements. For instance, expanding on how your previous experience as a program coordinator and NGO worker directly equips you for the volunteer role would strengthen your case.
Complete Response
Your response adequately addresses all the points requested in the prompt. To improve further, ensure that you provide more detailed explanations for your interest and what specifically makes you a suitable candidate, beyond just the wish to increase your social networking.
Suitable Writing Tone
While your tone is mostly suitable for the context of a formal letter, certain phrases can be made more formal or specific to increase the professionalism of your letter. Avoid using overly casual phrases, and instead choose words that convey a respectful and serious intent to volunteer.
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