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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobby
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There are crowds
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 that recreation must be tough to have fun, I totally disagree you can achieve happiness with an easy avocation.
Firstly
, I believe the main reason to have a pastime is to escape from the hardships of life, that's why hobbies should not be an extra burden and make people feel more sad and miserable when they can’t do it,
for example
, failure in some hobby,
in addition
 to the difficulties of life can cause a mental breakdown,
therefore
 I disagree with the opinion of these population who said its more enjoyable.
Secondly
, choosing a pastime should be within the field the one they prefer regardless of its difficulty, the one that will raise their standard of happiness is finding something they really enjoyable with, to playing chess will not make them happier just because chess is harder than swimming, in may view choosing hobby you adore more important.
Thirdly
, easy pastimes
such
 as yoga, drawing, travelling and taking photos can clear the mind and studies have proven that , so doing something you adore, simple and immersed in it can help the crowd with life stress , unlike the hard hobby,
also
 easy to commit it doesn't require mental or physical effort, clearly easy pastimes have benefited more than the difficult one. In a nutshell, if some folk love challenging avocations I support them, and that's because they love it not because difficult hobbies are better and more enjoyable
Overall
, the right avocation will make society more relaxed and happy.
Submitted by thisana1 on

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structure
Try to clearly state your position in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion to create a strong and cohesive structure.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words (e.g., however, moreover, therefore) to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
grammar
Some sentences are run-on and need punctuation for clarity. Ensure you use periods and commas correctly to avoid confusing the reader.
support
Provide specific examples or evidence to back up your points. This will help in better illustrating your arguments and making your essay more convincing.
task response
You have a clear stance on the topic and your points are relevant to the question asked.
content
Your essay includes several different points to support your view, showing a good breadth of information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of accomplishment
  • overcoming obstacles
  • gratifying
  • continuous source of enjoyment
  • relaxing activities
  • unwind and de-stress
  • counterproductive
  • mental break
  • subjective
  • personal preference
What to do next:
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