In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the peopulation in the countryside is decreasing
People
from rural areas
are migrating to urban areas
in a lot of states worldwide, and this
results in a decrease in the population in the countryside. I believe this
is a negative development because it can cause food
scarcity in many countries and more slums in cities
across the world.
Rural areas
are the site for crops and food
production, therefore
, a decrease in rural population will also
affect the food
production process. While
many rural people
think that agriculture-based activities are not profitable enough, they are still important for the overall
global food
supply. So, if more and more people
around the world leave this
job, there could be global food
scarcity problems in the future. For example
, many farmers in Java left their hometowns to work in cities
all over Indonesia, this
led to a decrease in rice production from around 1980 until today.
Moreover
, urbanization also
leads to more populated cities
and an increase in slums. Due to
the fact many rural people
come to the city without the proper financial capacity, they are forced to live in places that are not habitable, like the riverbanks or near a railway. Besides
risking their own lives and well-being, this
also
creates problems for the city governments around the world. For instance
, many people
living in informal settlements in Jakarta, which
are mostly migrants from rural Correct pronoun usage
apply
areas
, and although
they are able to adapt to the lifestyle of living in awful conditions like on the riverbanks, they are still very prone to flooding and diseases like malaria.
In conclusion, I believe that migration from rural areas
to cities
is a negative development. This
is due to
the negative aspects of it, namely food
scarcity and slums problems.Submitted by aribawadzaki on
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task achievement
Ensure each main idea in your paragraphs is directly tied to your thesis statement. Expanding on how food scarcity and slums specifically lead to negative impacts could further improve your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, consider using a more varied range of linking words to enhance cohesion. For example, words like 'consequently,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' can add variety.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your main argument.
supported main points
You provided specific examples to support your main points, such as the situation in Java and Jakarta, which strengthens your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?