In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the peopulation in the countryside is decreasing

#countries #world #people #cities #peopulation #countryside

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People

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from rural

areas

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are migrating to urban

areas

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in a lot of states worldwide, and

this

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results in a decrease in the population in the countryside. I believe

this

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is a negative development because it can cause

food

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scarcity in many countries and more slums in

cities

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across the world. Rural

areas

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are the site for crops and

food

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production,

therefore

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, a decrease in rural population will

also

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affect the

food

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production process.

While

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many rural

people

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think that agriculture-based activities are not profitable enough, they are still important for the

overall

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global

food

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supply. So, if more and more

people

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around the world leave

this

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job, there could be global

food

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scarcity problems in the future.

For example

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, many farmers in Java left their hometowns to work in

cities

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all over Indonesia,

this

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led to a decrease in rice production from around 1980 until today.

Moreover

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, urbanization

also

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leads to more populated

cities

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and an increase in slums.

Due to

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the fact many rural

people

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come to the city without the proper financial capacity, they are forced to live in places that are not habitable, like the riverbanks or near a railway.

Besides

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risking their own lives and well-being,

this

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also

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creates problems for the city governments around the world.

For instance

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, many

people

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living in informal settlements in Jakarta,

which

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apply

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are mostly migrants from rural

areas

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, and

although

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they are able to adapt to the lifestyle of living in awful conditions like on the riverbanks, they are still very prone to flooding and diseases like malaria. In conclusion, I believe that migration from rural

areas

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cities

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is a negative development.

This

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due to

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the negative aspects of it, namely

food

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scarcity and slums problems.

Submitted by aribawadzaki on Thu Sep 26 2024

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task achievement

Ensure each main idea in your paragraphs is directly tied to your thesis statement. Expanding on how food scarcity and slums specifically lead to negative impacts could further improve your essay.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is generally well-organized, consider using a more varied range of linking words to enhance cohesion. For example, words like 'consequently,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' can add variety.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your main argument.

supported main points

You provided specific examples to support your main points, such as the situation in Java and Jakarta, which strengthens your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the peopulation in the countryside is decreasing

Your opinion

Band-9 Samples: In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Online films streaming has become the latest entertainment option for people, especially after the Covid-19 pandemic that happened two years earlier. What is the cause for this phenomenon? Will online films streaming outweigh the popularity of going directly to a cinema?

It is high time men ceased to regard women as second class citizen . To what extant do you agree with this statement?

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol and as a result, breaking the law. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?