IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The following bar chart represents the percentages of four different modes of transportation;
train
Use synonyms
,
car
Use synonyms
, tube, and
bus
Use synonyms
, used to commute back and forth from work in an unidentified European city in 1960, 1980, and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that trends of travelling by
car
Use synonyms
 and
bus
Use synonyms
 experienced
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an extreme shift of figures,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of the other two
vehicals
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 underwent little
fluctaution
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
 throughout the given time frame.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1960, commuters travelled by
bus
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 40% was the highest number among all
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
, followed by tube,
train
Use synonyms
, and
car
Use synonyms
 at approximately 29%, 18%, and 8%, respectively. In regards
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, in 1980, the
preferable
Correct word choice
preferred
show examples
 modes of transport changed where
bus
Use synonyms
 passengers dropped
almost
Change preposition
by almost
show examples
 10%, the number of commuters by
train
Use synonyms
 surpassed the aforementioned means with the same rate and
overcome
Wrong verb form
overcame
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 percentages behind. Meanwhile, those who
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
tube
Fix the agreement mistake
tubes
show examples
are at
Verb problem
have
show examples
 similar figures of more than 20% with few
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that unlike forty years ago the number of workers driving their
car
Use synonyms
 in 2000 surprisingly outnumbered that of those who
taking
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 buses and ranked the top among
Correct article usage
the others
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 four choices of travelling, whilst statistics of those who
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 underground
Use synonyms
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 and
train
Use synonyms
 were similar back
then
Linking Words
 at about 25%, and 22%,respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words train, car, bus with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: