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Band 4.5

Many museums charge for addmissions while others are free.Do ou think that the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweight the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #addmissions #ou #people #admissions #outweight
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
museums
 charge
people
 for
entering
Wrong verb form
enter
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whereas
 some
museums
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
.In
this
 essay
lets
Correct your spelling
let's
show examples
 see
hoe
Correct your spelling
how
show examples
 collecting
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for entering
museums
 is an advantage which overweight the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
Firstly
,
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
 is a
place
 where a lot of old and valuable stuffs are stored and kept for the
people
 to know about them and gain knowledge.
Museum
Change the article
A museum
show examples
 is a
place
 where
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 visit in a day.If something is missing from its
place
 or if something is stolen
then
 it creates a huge problem.Collecting
Correct article usage
the fee
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 and personal information of the
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 who are entering the
museum
 is very
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 in
this
 case.
For example
,if a person stole something from the
museum
then
 it will be easy for the authorities to find it.
Secondly
, the key cause of collecting
Add an article
the amount
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 from the
people
 who are visiting
is
Correct your spelling
us
show examples
 for the
maintanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of the
place
.The
museums
 are mainly under the control of the government .In the case of
maintanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
Add a comma
,
show examples
the government will spend the money which was collected from the
people
 a
fee
 to spend it for the cleaning and all.
For example
, the
museum
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extinct species where
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 have the skeleton of the found extinct species
collect
Correct subject-verb agreement
collects
show examples
arount
Correct your spelling
around
 40 rupees for adults who are above the age of 18 and 20 rupees for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children as
entry
Correct article usage
an entry
show examples
fee
 which they use
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 later in the month for the
maintanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of the
museum
.
To conclude
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that the advantages of collecting
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
admissions in
museums
 overweight the disadvantages.Collecting a small amount as a
fee
 is okay
whereas
 a larger amount is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 disadvantage
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct spelling errors (e.g., 'admission', 'how', 'a lot', 'people').
task achievement
Try to expand more on your points to fully explain and support your ideas. For example, give more detailed examples or elaborate on the existing ones.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more concise and distinct conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a relevant response to the topic.
task achievement
You have included specific examples which help to clarify your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a complete structure.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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