IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many museums charge for addmissions while others are free.Do ou think that the advantages of charging people for admissions to museums outweight the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #addmissions #ou #people #admissions #outweight
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Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
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museums
Use synonyms
 charge
people
Use synonyms
 for
entering
Wrong verb form
enter
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whereas
Linking Words
 some
museums
Use synonyms
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
.In
this
Linking Words
 essay
lets
Correct your spelling
let's
show examples
 see
hoe
Correct your spelling
how
show examples
 collecting
Use synonyms
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for entering
museums
Use synonyms
 is an advantage which overweight the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
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 is a
place
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 where a lot of old and valuable stuffs are stored and kept for the
people
Use synonyms
 to know about them and gain knowledge.
Use synonyms
Museum
Change the article
A museum
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 is a
place
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 where
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 visit in a day.If something is missing from its
place
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 or if something is stolen
then
Linking Words
 it creates a huge problem.Collecting
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the fee
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fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 and personal information of the
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 who are entering the
museum
Use synonyms
 is very
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 in
this
Linking Words
 case.
For example
Linking Words
,if a person stole something from the
museum
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it will be easy for the authorities to find it.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the key cause of collecting
Add an article
the amount
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 from the
people
Use synonyms
 who are visiting
is
Correct your spelling
us
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 for the
maintanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of the
place
Use synonyms
.The
museums
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 are mainly under the control of the government .In the case of
maintanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
Add a comma
,
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the government will spend the money which was collected from the
people
Use synonyms
 a
fee
Use synonyms
 to spend it for the cleaning and all.
For example
Linking Words
, the
museum
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinct species where
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 have the skeleton of the found extinct species
collect
Correct subject-verb agreement
collects
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arount
Correct your spelling
around
 40 rupees for adults who are above the age of 18 and 20 rupees for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children as
entry
Correct article usage
an entry
show examples
fee
Use synonyms
 which they use
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 later in the month for the
maintanance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of the
museum
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that the advantages of collecting
Use synonyms
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
admissions in
museums
Use synonyms
 overweight the disadvantages.Collecting a small amount as a
fee
Use synonyms
 is okay
whereas
Linking Words
 a larger amount is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 disadvantage
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Proofread your essay to correct spelling errors (e.g., 'admission', 'how', 'a lot', 'people').
task achievement
Try to expand more on your points to fully explain and support your ideas. For example, give more detailed examples or elaborate on the existing ones.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more concise and distinct conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a relevant response to the topic.
task achievement
You have included specific examples which help to clarify your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a complete structure.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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