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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram shows the life cycle of the honey bee.

The diagram shows the life cycle of the honey bee.
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The diagram given illustrates the different stages of development of the honey bee during its life
cycle
Use synonyms
. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that there are five primary stages shown in the process, from
egg
Use synonyms
 to mature insect.
In addition
Linking Words
, the complete life
cycle
Use synonyms
 lasts between 34 and 36
days
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. The life
cycle
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 of the honey bee begins when the female adult lays an
egg
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, and it lays one or two eggs every three
days
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. Between 9 and 10
days
Use synonyms
 later, each
egg
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 hatches, and the immature insect, or nymph, appears. During the third stage of the process, the nymph grows in size and sheds its skin three times.
This
Linking Words
 moulting first takes place 5
days
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 after the
egg
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 hatches,
then
Linking Words
 7
days
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 later, and again another 9
days
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 later. After a total of 30 to 31
days
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 from the start of the
cycle
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, the young adult honey bee emerges from its final moulting stage, and in the next 4
days
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, it reaches full maturity.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cycle, egg, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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