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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts give information regarding the class
size
Use synonyms
 of primary schools in four different
Australian
Use synonyms
 states in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that 21-25
students
Use synonyms
 is the most prevalent
size
Use synonyms
 in most states, with the exception being South
Australia
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 worth noting that
classes
Use synonyms
 rarely exceed 30
students
Use synonyms
. With regard to New South Wales, the proportion of
classes
Use synonyms
 within the 20 or lower student range constituted 26%, which was 10% lower than that of South
Australia
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
classes
Use synonyms
 containing 21-25
students
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, represented 37% in New South Wales,
whereas
Linking Words
 South
Australia
Use synonyms
 took up only 33%. A similar discrepancy could be seen in the 26-30 student
size
Use synonyms
, where New South Wales was 5% higher than its Southern counterpart. The remaining 4% of both states represented the
classes
Use synonyms
 with over 30
students
Use synonyms
. As for the
Australian
Use synonyms
 Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
 and Western
Australia
Use synonyms
, the 21-25 student class
size
Use synonyms
 took up the largest percentage, constituting 51% and 42% respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, one-tenth of the
classes
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
show examples
 Capital
territory
Use synonyms
 consisted of 26-30
students
Use synonyms
, which was 17% lower than Western
Australia
Use synonyms
's. In terms of the
classes
Use synonyms
 with fewer than 20
students
Use synonyms
, 38% was the proportion in
Australia
Use synonyms
's Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 had over a quarter of all
classes
Use synonyms
. The statistic relating to
classes
Use synonyms
 with a minimum of 30
students
Use synonyms
 is just 5% in Western
Australia
Use synonyms
, which was 5 times higher than in the
Australian
Use synonyms
 capital
territory
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words size, australian, students, australia, classes, territory with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary school
  • class size
  • proportion
  • average
  • trends
  • small/medium/large classes
  • implications
  • quality of education
  • teacher workload
  • comparison
  • variance
  • state-by-state analysis
  • education policy
  • statistical representation
  • pie chart interpretation
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