IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement??

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Introduction
Children
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's upbringing plays a vital role in becoming an intelligent individual.
However
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, it is rare to witness educational programs at schools which teach learners to be responsible
parents
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.
Hence
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, there is an opinion that it is necessary to offer
this
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 kind of education in order to prepare
children
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 for a family life. I truly agree with
this
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 statement, and
this
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 essay will explain why.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, establishing weekly parenting lessons for students provides knowledge about the right environment for their
future
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children
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.
According to
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 the Victorian Educational Framework, the environment is as important as
parents
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 and teachers.
Therefore
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, creating a positive and secure environment
along with
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 providing a variety of resources, help young learners to improve their mental and physical skills in a smooth way.
For example
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, it is very beneficial to learn how to organise areas in a house where the child can relax, learn, read and play, so the child will not feel overwhelmed.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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, building a connection with their
children
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 is another crucial factor.
Future
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 mothers and fathers should understand how to speak to their little ones to receive a positive answer from them.
For instance
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, if the child experiences behavioural problems,
parents
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 should stay patient and polite.
This
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 knowledge will help
children
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 and
parents
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 to build a connection and to hear each other's voices.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the implementation of special classes for
children
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 about parenting helps prevent misunderstandings and social barriers in
future
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. When students know how to educate their
children
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 in advance, they will be less stressed and more wise to build a
future
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 family.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, but the supporting paragraphs could be further developed with more extensive examples. Remember, each idea should be explored in depth to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an adequate logical structure, but ideas can flow more naturally. Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth and clear to guide the reader through the argument. It will enhance readability and cohesion between your main points.
coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, ensure that both your introduction and conclusion capture your thesis and main ideas effectively. While they are present, they could be more impactful to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
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