IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-relinace on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #car #transportation #over-relinace #cars
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Most people depend on their own cars as a way of transport.
This
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 essay will discuss traffic as the main problem of
this
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 matter, and using public
transportation
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 as a vital solution that should be considered. One of the major issues that most developed countries suffer from is the huge traffic.
This
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 means that the majority of society members tend to choose a private car to avoid being late for work. school, and important appointments. The truth is by using
this
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 method the street will be full of crowed and everyone's will be damaged in some way.
In addition
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 to that, there is a misunderstanding by citizens that the use of buses, and metros takes so much time, and that
why
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is why
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 most people keep avoiding the use of it,
however
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,
this
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 is not true as public
transportation
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 is considered to be the easiest way to select. One of the key solutions, local individuals should be forced to use public
transportation
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 in order to enhance their lives quality.
This
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 is to say, that the government should publish an announcement on increasing the focus on using public
transportation
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.
Such
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 as buses, metro, and trains.
In addition
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 , drew attention to spreading awareness among society members of how using local
transportation
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 at busy times is considered to be the fastest, and most comfortable method.
For example
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, as public buses are only allowed to ride on a certain street,
this
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 means that they will reach the required destination faster than by using a car.
To conclude
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, using personal cars should be avoided by people
due to
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 its negative effect on traffic.
Instead
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 of that, using governmental
transportation
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 would be the perfect solution to
this
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 problem.
Submitted by noufxmut on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences are complete and free from errors like run-ons and fragments. For example, 'school, and important appointments' should be 'school, and other important appointments.'
task achievement
Although you have provided a relevant example, try to include more specific details or data to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Enhance paragraph transitions to improve the flow of your ideas. For instance, use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' for smoother transitions.
task achievement
Expand on your reasons and examples a bit more to make your arguments more comprehensive and convincing.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the problem of over-reliance on private cars and suggests public transportation as a solution.
coherence cohesion
A coherent introduction and conclusion are present, effectively framing the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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