IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #tax
It is believed that individuals should have the freedom to retain all of their income
instead
 of allocating it to taxation.
This
 essay will challenge
this
 school of thought. Granted, those who believe that it is justified to keep their hard-earned money rather than contribute to the
tax
 system have their own standpoint. They may argue that the money is what they deserve after long hours of hard work
while
 the state does not directly assist them with their work.
However
,
this
 line of reasoning overlooks the benefits, amenities, and conveniences they enjoy daily, which largely come from
tax
 revenues.
For instance
, the public transport system enables many people to commute to work quickly and conveniently with various choices from buses to subways at an economical toll, funded by the state budget. From my perspective, contributing to the
tax
 system should be viewed as a way to collectively develop a country and enhance living standards. Indeed,
tax
 money serves the public in various fields, including education, transportation, healthcare, and national defence.
For example
, in Denmark, one of the countries with the highest
tax
 rate per individual, citizens are still pleased to pay taxes annually because they enjoy free education, advanced hospitals, and swift, clean public transport, all of which contribute to their
overall
 satisfaction and well-being. In extreme cases
such
 as wars and conflicts, a country without a national budget, or
tax
 revenue, would find it virtually impossible to protect itself as there would be no allocation for the army or weapons.
This
 is why I believe that individuals should not be selfish and should contribute part of their income to paying taxes. In conclusion, I totally disagree with those who believe they should keep all of their earnings rather than pay taxes, given all the benefits they enjoy that are funded by the
tax
 budget.

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from slightly more elaboration on why some people believe they should keep all their earnings. Adding another point of view or a counterargument would create a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure is solid, the transition between paragraphs could be made smoother using linking phrases. This will further enhance the readability and flow of the text.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the topic and provided a thorough rebuttal to the idea that people should keep all of their money rather than pay taxes.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well and provide closure to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your points are well-supported with specific examples, making the essay more persuasive and grounded.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
What to do next:
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