IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

extinction of animals due to habitat destruction and pollutants

#extinction #animals #habitat #destruction #pollutants
Nevertheless
,
this
 problem can be tackled by the authorities having strict laws towards industrial activities in enterprises.More specifically, the state can set a limit on the extraction of Greenland and
besides
, frequently examine the wastewater treatment in factories.
For
this
 reason, if there were any shortcomings in radically treating sewage before releasing it into the environment
coupled with
 the overuse of exploiting green spaces, those must receive a monetary fine and a ban from continuing to go to work for a time period. Vietnamese authority is a relevant example, which without informing, found some factories skipping the waste purification, afterwards, forcing it to totally be closed down three years later and compensate for nearly five hundred million Vietnam dong for one violation.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases such as 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'Furthermore,' to ensure a smoother transition between points.
coherence cohesion
Including an introduction and conclusion can strengthen the overall organization of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the topic by covering solutions, causes, and impacts related to habitat destruction and pollutants leading to animal extinction.
task achievement
Try to outline your points clearly and systematically to enhance clarity and depth of ideas.
task achievement
The example of the Vietnamese authority adds significant strength to your argument by providing specific and relevant evidence.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses part of the problem and suggests a viable solution, showcasing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: