IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

With growing number of populations in cities, many people are living in small homes that don't have outdoor spaces. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, the population of many metropolitan cities is increasingly significant, so people have to live in small houses which will result in the lack of outdoor areas for individuals. The writer contends that
this
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 tendency is seen as a negative progress
due to
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 several drawbacks arising from
this
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 trend, which will be explained in
this
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 essay. It must be acknowledged that the lack of outdoor space will have some detrimental effects on
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
development
Use synonyms
. The first primary drawback is that these places will reduce
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
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 for people to participate in many sports
activities
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, which will significantly affect their health. Indeed, by limiting space for many physical
activities
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 and outdoor reactions, people in these areas could adopt a sedentary lifestyle, which leads to many chronic diseases
such
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 as heart problems and obesity.
Additionally
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, the environment is detrimentally affected by the large number of population in these cities.
For instance
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, many slums in Africa are the main contributor to the worse proportion of clean and fresh atmosphere, compared to other countries, which could decrease the quality of life in
this
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 place. Another fact
should
Correct word choice
that should
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 be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
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 is the impact on children's
development
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. There is no doubt that outdoor space provides young generations opportunities to improve their knowledge and behaviour through many outdoor sports
activities
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.
Therefore
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, if there were not any
activities
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 for children to attend, they would feel bored and stressed, which
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 sharply influence their mind’s
development
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. In conclusion, I would say that there are many negative aspects, including many impacts on people’s health, the quality of life and
also
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 the children’s
development
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, which will make society become worse and worse in the future.
Thus
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, it is understandable that the dramatic increase
of
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in
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 population would cause many negative prospects for
human’s
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human
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 lives.

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task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, but including more specific examples could strengthen the arguments. For instance, mention specific urban areas where lack of outdoor spaces has affected residents.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures to enhance readability. This will make your argument flow more naturally and keep the reader engaged.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clearly present and well-articulated, providing a strong framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is quite solid. The points are well-organized and flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Your essay is relevant to the task and provides a complete response to the prompt, discussing both general and specific negative consequences of the lack of outdoor spaces.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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