Most people believe that social media such as facebook and instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Social
media
has been debated amongst societies because of its negative impacts on individuals. In some aspects, the uncontrollable contents are harmful to
people
because
people
are able to share anything.
Additionally
, it influences societies by setting high
standards
in many aspects of life.
Due to
these facts, I wholeheartedly agree that social
media
such
as Facebook and Instagram negatively impact society. One of the drawbacks of social
media
is
people
have the freedom to share any information through social
media
, including harmful posts. It is
due to
the fact that hundreds of contents are uploaded in a day and unregulated information is harmful to
people
.
For example
, in 2011 in Surabaya, Indonesia, a violent video between students went viral on social
media
and the effect of
this
video, there were many similar incidents happened because the students watched the video.
Hence
, the uncontrollable content in social
media
has negative impacts on society.
Moreover
, there are many influencers who post their lifestyle and it makes society set their
standards
high. It is human nature to always feel less and think that their neighbour's grass is greener and
consequently
, they set their ideal
standards
based on the famous artists who have an ideal lifestyle in their opinion.
For instance
, in Indonesia, 60% of teenagers value their relationship by doing couple-goal things
such
as fancy dinners with their partner to become an ideal couple just because it goes viral on social
media
.
As a result
, it shapes an unhealthy relationship between individuals.
To conclude
, there are negative impacts of social
media
such
as
people
setting high
standards
in their lives.
Moreover
, uncontrollable and unregulated posts on social
media
are harmful because anyone can access them.
Thus
, I am siding to believe that social
media
brings more burdens than benefits.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, demonstrating that you understand the topic well. To enhance your score, consider acknowledging and briefly addressing counterarguments. This would show a more balanced perspective and add depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for your introduction, main points, and conclusion. To achieve higher cohesion, ensure that your transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'In addition' can help link your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Providing more varied sentence structures and a few more sophisticated vocabulary words can make your writing more engaging. This will improve the overall flow and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the main points you intend to discuss, setting a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point related to the negative impacts of social media. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You supported your points with relevant examples, such as the incident in Surabaya and the behavior of teenagers in Indonesia. These examples effectively illustrate your arguments.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • dysfunctional
  • impede
  • adverse
  • compulsive
  • obsessive
  • inherently
  • undermine
  • vulnerable
  • censorship
  • exploitation
  • vicious cycle
  • isolation
  • fraudulent
  • dissemination
  • manipulation
  • creativity
  • engagement
  • tolerance
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