IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that the government should allocate more funding to the arts, such as music, painting, and theatre. Others argue that this money should be spent on more essential sectors like healthcare, education, and infrastructure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #arts #music #theatre #money #sectors #healthcare #education #infrastructure
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It is argued that many individuals believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide more
funds
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 to the arts, like music, painting, and theatre.
Whereas
Linking Words
, others claim that
this
Linking Words
 fund should be spent on indispensable sectors like healthcare,
education
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, and
infrastructure
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. I believe
due to
Linking Words
 overpopulation
government
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 should invest
funds
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 in healthcare,
education
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, and
infrastructure
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. On the one hand, people have busy schedules that impact on personal lives
as well as
Linking Words
 mental
health
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. To explain it, nowadays many individuals have to spend their time on work, so they cannot give their time to family and
due to
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 overwork and exhaust ramification mental
health
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 problems which result from the
government
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 spending
funds
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 on arts so that they can spend time with their family that improve their personal life and mental fitness.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 overpopulation many demands related to major sectors like
health
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,
education
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, and
infrastructure
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 have risen. People's essential needs are good
health
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, proper
education
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, and housing which are hard to get
due to
Linking Words
 over masses so the
government
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 should make a strategy to solve these problems for their citizens to get proper facilities related to these factors.
For instance
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, America had to cut off military
funds
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 to fulfil their residence demands. They had to invest those
funds
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 in colleges, hospitals, and buildings so that they could get
health
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 and
education
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 facilities and they built buildings for residence for proper livelihood. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should invest
funds
Use synonyms
 in major essential sectors like
health
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,
education
Use synonyms
, and
infrastructure
Use synonyms
 rather than investing in arts because of overpopulation so that every individual can get proper facilities which are more essential to achieve the quality of life.
Submitted by prashant.pun2076 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to provide a clearer and more comprehensive argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer delineation between paragraphs, using more distinct topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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