Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The government ought to invest more in developing
sports
Use synonyms
and
art
Use synonyms
programs for school
students
Use synonyms
than supporting expert athletes and artists. From my point of view, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
action since it will bring several benefits to the youth. It is clearly reported that
sports
Use synonyms
and
art
Use synonyms
are beneficial for developing both the physical and mental health of children. Playing any kind of sport enhances their muscle, heart
beating
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and endurance, leading to a healthy body.
Moreover
Linking Words
, practising any form of
art
Use synonyms
improves their focus and relaxes stress, resulting in mindfulness. Altogether, both activities significantly improve
students
Use synonyms
’ ability to study. If the government invests more money in developing infrastructure or resources used in
sports
Use synonyms
and
art
Use synonyms
learning for youth, the country will gain numerous high-quality citizens when they grow up. Eventually, these
students
Use synonyms
possibly become skilful
sports
Use synonyms
players and
art
Use synonyms
performers in the future.
Thus
Linking Words
, spending on developing
students
Use synonyms
in areas of sport and
art
Use synonyms
is worth trying.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, most governments have limited budgets for spending. If all of
that is
Linking Words
used in developing
students
Use synonyms
, the leftovers might not be enough to support well-known athletes and artists in any international competition
such
Linking Words
as the Olympic games.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they possibly defeat and give up for the rest of their lives.
Thus
Linking Words
, the nation will not gain any reputation from the international community. In conclusion, investing in both developing
students
Use synonyms
and supporting professional athletes and artists is crucial.
However
Linking Words
, the first priority should be for
students
Use synonyms
since it is a sustainable investment.
Submitted by phakawat.chu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you have provided a clear response to the task, it's helpful to provide more relevant examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning specific programs or initiatives in sports and art could solidify your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider tightening your argument so that each paragraph has one single primary focus. For instance, discussing the negative impacts of not supporting professional athletes in a separate paragraph can make your argument clearer.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument in a balanced way. Even though you agree with the topic, dedicating a small portion to discuss the opposing viewpoint would provide a more comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets the stage for your argument.
coherence cohesion
You provide a solid conclusion that wraps up your main points and reiterates your stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay is easy to follow and logically structured, with distinct paragraphs for different points.
task achievement
Your arguments are clear and comprehensive, and you effectively link the benefits of sports and art to the overall development of children.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • physical health
  • creativity
  • teamwork skills
  • nurture young talents
  • excel
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural appreciation
  • extracurricular activities
  • socio-economic background
  • social inequality
  • profit-driven
  • allocated funds
What to do next:
Look at other essays: