IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Young people learn more about good behaviour from books or films/ movies than they learn from real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #behaviour #books #films #movies #experiences
Some public believe that teenagers can get an education about how to be better people and have nice habits from reading
books
 or watching
films
/movies in a better way from actual
life
 experiences.
Although
 I agree that they can get an excellent guide in good behaviour from
books
 and movies,
also
 I think real-
life
 experience plays an important role in young people's lives. On the one hand, actual
life
 experiences make the person an expert when he has to deal with some circumstances. To be an expert in something they must face
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 in real
life
 I think it is the best way to learn suitable behaviour in every situation,
for instance
, men with experience contrast clearly with men who haven’t dealt with women. That’s why real-
life
 experience really matters.
On the other hand
,
books
 and
films
 can teach the younger generation great stuff.
Firstly
 Some young people adore actors and authors and they get inspiration from them,
therefore
 that must teach them a good thing,
for example
, there is a movie named “Love Pray Eat” that inspired me and taught me how to be calmer and healthier in my
life
.
Secondly
, actors and authors can approach them more than anyone else if the younger generations love them, As I said before
books
 and
films
 play a really important role in the new generation.
To conclude
, though I agree actual
life
 experiences will teach you over time in a guaranteed way how to adopt lovely behaviour, I think
books
 and
films
 can do too much to learn things by inspiring teenagers.
Submitted by thisana1 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more clearly by outlining your main points in the introduction and summarizing them in the conclusion. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and varied examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and robust.
task achievement
Work on refining your grammar and sentence structure to reduce small errors, which can enhance the overall readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively addresses the prompt and outlines your stance, which is a good starting point.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear conclusion that restates your viewpoint, helping to round off the essay well.
task achievement
Your essay employs some relevant examples, such as the mention of the movie 'Love Pray Eat,' which makes your points more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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