Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Someone are arguing that longer average working time could lead to better economy of the
country
but its citizen have to cope with social issues. In my opinion, I completely agree with that linkage among total of working hours
, success in economic development and problems in the society.
Firstly
, hard working hours
normally results with better outcome and then
makes significant contributions on the success of entire country
. In the long history of human being, there is no country
with full of lazy people could enter the list of developed countries. For example
, the miracle story of Korea in 1960s was written by the generation of hard-working people who used to wholeheartedly dedicate themselves and spent more than 10 hours
a day in decades. But that trade-off was worthy of that enermous sacrifice. Since then
, they evolved from poor country
to be one of the richest in Asia in recent years.
Seconly
, more Correct your spelling
Secondly
hours
for professional life could reduce the amound
of time for personal needs and it is the root Correct your spelling
amount
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
for
unwanted social issues. Obviously, it will be the understandable consequence if you are unable to balance the work and your own life. In Korea, Change preposition
of
along with
the rapid development for their economy, the divorce rate is aslo experiencing increase through the time. Some evidences explain that spending too much effort in office could drive spouses to have less preference for their marial life. This
is the obvious side-effect for countries that prefer economical success rather than well-being in their society.
In conclusion, although
intensive working schedule could play as vital role for the capital of all countries, they should anticipate the visible negative impact on social development.Submitted by dinhthong1902 on
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task achievement
While the introduction provides a clear statement of your opinion, it should be refined for clarity and grammatical accuracy. Consider revising to eliminate errors like "Some are arguing" instead of "Someone are arguing."
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with more precise and varied examples. The example of Korea is effective, but adding another example or expanding the existing one can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. There are several errors in verb forms, prepositions, and conjunctions. For example, "normally results with" should be "normally results in," and "amound" should be "amount."
coherence cohesion
Use connecting words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, phrases such as "Moreover," or "In addition," can make transitions smoother and the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and stays on topic throughout, maintaining focus on the relationship between work hours, economic success, and social consequences.
task achievement
The use of the example of Korea effectively illustrates your point about the trade-off between economic success and social issues.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the opinion in a clear manner.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.