IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write about the following topic: In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
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It is a common belief that in England, when
people
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 are getting old, they need a certain kind of specific
care
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, in some situations they go to sharehouses with nurses who take
care
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 of them. In other situations,
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government
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the government
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 is who pays for its cost.
This
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 essay will argue why the
government
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 should be responsible for paying for aged
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
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. In my opinion, they
also
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 should pay for all their expenses First of all, after serving the country for an entire life and contributing to the country paying 20 cents for each dollar earned, as a tax contribution. Where in some situations when earning more than a certain amount of money, it could be up to 36 % of your annual income. It should be mandatory for any
government
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 that has been charging that amount of cash for that long period to support their taxpayers, giving them absolute support for no cost.
For instance
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, a normal worker who has served the country for 45 years had paid in taxes around one million dollars.
Secondly
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, in my opinion, there are some rich families that make a huge amount of money,
while
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 paying no taxes. So they should cover the cost of the aged
care
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 without any problem.
As a consequence
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, they should cover all the costs related to the
care
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 of their families when they reach that age, in that way giving relief to the public system.
To sum up
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,
this
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 essay has argued why wealthy
people
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 should pay for their own health system,
while
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 working-class
people
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 should be provided with an excellent aged
care
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 system. In my opinion, the
government
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 not only should pay for the elderly
people
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's
care
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 but
also
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 for their expenses.
Submitted by jimeilaria on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by providing reasons for who should pay for elderly care. However, to achieve higher scores, it is essential to develop the points further by including more detailed arguments and examples. This would demonstrate a thorough understanding and exploration of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is consistent, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother to ensure a more cohesive flow of information. For example, the connection between government responsibility and the tax contributions of individuals could be elaborated on more clearly.
supported main points
The main points presented are supported, but additional examples and more detailed explanations would strengthen the arguments. Specifically, provide more specific data or case studies to illustrate points about tax contributions and family responsibilities.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, with the introduction effectively setting up the topic and the conclusion summarizing the arguments well.
logical structure
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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