IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Obesity in children is a serious problem in a number of countries. What are the causes of obesity in children? Discuss the possible alarming effects of this problem in the future.

#obesity #children #countries #effects #future
Being overweight among
children
 is a huge problem in some countries for a lot of reasons and
also
 probably affects their future. I will argue about both of these in
this
 essay. One of the most important reasons for being fat among
children
 is the condition of today's lifestyle around the world that are sitting and playing at home with mobile phones and tablets
that is
 the reason for not doing some activities
such
 as sports and some plays which
children
 did in the past. The second one is eating fast foods
instead
 of homemade ones, which have a lot of carbs and fat which is one of the big deals of overweighting because parents are working all the time and do not have enough time to make food at home. The deal of approximately alarming
children
 getting fat in future can change their lives they might will illnesses when they grow up namely, heart attack and stroke
also
 their self-confidence get injured causes some serious problems in their relationships. Point to the research of Cambridge University some students of psychology major did some research on people who are fat and they realized that almost 80 per cent of these people do not have any company except for their family members and it is for the scare of being judge through people that said they are fat. So they can have a lot of issues in their life of being fat. In conclusion, being overweight causes so many problems in future and present in
children
's lives and everybody else. We have to be careful of our
children
 and the professionals must find a solution before late.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences are complete and properly structured. Watch out for awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that can affect the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are directly related to it.
task achievement
Include more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. The existing example (Cambridge University research) is good but should be integrated more smoothly into the text.
task achievement
Expand on the negative effects of childhood obesity with more comprehensive explanations and potential long-term impacts.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and effects of childhood obesity, covering the main aspects of the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!