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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some counties an increasing number of people are suffering from health promblems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#counties #people #health #promblems #food #governments #tax
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In a number of countries, a rising number of individuals are affected by health concerns
due to
Linking Words
 increased junk and unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 intake. Some people believe that it would be beneficial to impose a higher charge on mainly convenience
food
Use synonyms
, which could improve the situation,
however
Linking Words
 would it be enough to change people’s eating habits? It is worth considering that
due to
Linking Words
 the business of the contemporary world majority of citizens find it more convenient to obtain fast
food
Use synonyms
 over-the-counter, rather than spending time on preparation of home-made cuisine.
Consequently
Linking Words
, over the recent
decades
Add a comma
decades,
show examples
 our consumption habits have been adjusted significantly,
moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 style has been negatively affecting our body as well. As per recent investigations, approximately 40 per cent of the global population is faced with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity and overweight. Unfortunately, excess weight impacts not solely on appearance, but on other co-morbidities
as well as
Linking Words
 diabetes, stroke, arthritis etcetera. Another thing to consider is an awareness that increasing junk
food
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 or initiating an extra tax will not adjust the situation significantly. Obviously, to improve
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 state it is imperative to involve not only governmental administrations, but educational institutions, volunteer organisations and so on which could promote how to maintain healthy eating and an excellent lifestyle. It is important to provide fresh and organic products and groceries
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 affordable prices, to foster common knowledge regarding our bodies and how unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 mainly with preservatives spoils our bodies and degrades
Correct pronoun usage
our wellbeing
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. Taking everything into consideration
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the ignorant individuals could harm themselves with fast
food
Use synonyms
 without even understanding.
Thus
Linking Words
, in my humble belief, it is essential to educate society for a better future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the next generations.
Submitted by yulia_regulich on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and supported with clear examples. The essay can benefit from more specific examples or evidence to substantiate the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by making sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Work on linking sentences and ideas more cohesively to enhance readability.
general advice
Review sentence structure and grammar to eliminate minor errors. Ensure consistency in terms and some minor parts could benefit from more precise language usage.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and clearly state the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
The writer shows good understanding of the topic and attempts to address the prompt comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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