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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more prisons are being built to house the world's criminals, and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that psychological assistance is what is required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#prisons #house #world #criminals #people #imprisonment #crime #assistance
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How to protect people from crime is a very concerning issue for every country. And
this
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 author opines that the government should invest more in psychological support for lawbreakers,
instead
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 of building more prisons. It is very important to acknowledge that imprisoning offenders does not always educate them about good civils,
in contrast
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, it can keep them feeling more hate society and statements because of being deprived the freedom.
Due to
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 the fact that mental assistance plays an important role in helping them reintegrate into the community.
As a consequence
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, non-physical assistance can lead to humanity and more positive results in solving the crime problem.
Therefore
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, it is easy to understand why
this
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 solution is enhanced day by day all over the world
However
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, a minority of people want to build more prisons and assume that it is no longer to waste of money to recognize more psychological services.
For
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this
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 reason, it is impossible to discipline the law doer who is easily provoked and it can’t prevent them from breaking the law again.
This
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 point may be true, but if we just only punished them without any tolerance, we couldn’t solve the root of
this
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 problem.
This
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 writer believes that criminals should be helped more in psychology and finding ways to be generous residents. Because many offenders grow up in violence and the lack of parental love, it is necessary for everyone to help them rediscover their honest nature.
Consequently
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, if they can reintegrate into society, they can contribute more to developing the social public and nation.
Thus
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, assisting offenders with mental and recognising the rehabilitation programs for them have a pivotal role in tackling crime issues.
Hence
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, leniency and forgiveness of criminals can have many benefits for society and the country.
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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a clearer and more precise thesis statement in the introduction. This makes the main argument of the essay more evident to the reader from the start.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph follows logically from the one before. Some ideas feel a bit disconnected; using linking phrases and words can help improve this coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to support your arguments. This can help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and provide stronger support for your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and phrases. Instead, rephrase and introduce new perspectives on the same point to keep the essay engaging.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument, which is important in IELTS essays.
coherence cohesion
The writer shows a good command of complex sentences and varied vocabulary, which enhances the readability of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion, which is a strong way to end an essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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