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Band 3.5

Nowadays,The way many people interact with each other has it changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relation that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development.

#people #technology #type #relation #development
Technology
 indeed has become one of the factors that changed how
people
 interact with each other in the world today. In my opinion,
technology
 can be a good thing to support interaction between
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, yet it could
also
 bring disadvantages when it is not used in a good manner. The benefit of using
technology
 as a tool for
communication
 is greatly felt by humans nowadays. It is because, with
technology
, humans are allowed to connect without having a direct meeting. Take a smartphone
for example
. With a video call feature,
people
 can converse easily and see each other faces in real-time, despite the distant location.
Communication
 becomes so much more approachable.
However
,
technology
 has a downside in altering how
people
 communicate. The reason is individuals tend to have no boundaries when they have the convenience to do something. In one case, a person could easily disturb other
people
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the proper time to call or text.
Additionally
, with the easiness of using
communication
 tools
such
 as chat applications,
people
 sometimes
no
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention to how the words
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 delivered to others,
hence
missed
Wrong verb form
missing
show examples
communication
.
To conclude
, using
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
technology
 for
communication
 should come with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the human itself.
Furthermore
, boundaries should be made in order to make the interaction flow in
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
 direction.
Submitted by jermias.darondo89 on

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task achievement
Try to develop each main point more thoroughly. Each paragraph should elaborate on a specific aspect of technology's impact on human interaction and provide more detailed examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in verb tense and grammatical accuracy. For example, 'a person could easily disturb' should be 'a person can easily disturb' to match the present tense used elsewhere.
coherence cohesion
Add linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This and more precise use of language can strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined, providing a good framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the positive and negative impacts of technology on human interaction, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized communication
  • instant connections
  • physical proximity
  • social media platforms
  • superficial interactions
  • face-to-face communication
  • social skills
  • emotional intelligence
  • professional networks
  • shared interests
  • dating apps
  • organic social interactions
  • anonymity
  • cyberbullying
  • trolling
  • support groups
  • sense of belonging
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