Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Due to
the
advanceed
Correct your spelling
advanced
technology
nowadays with cheap and easy access,
people
start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
to do
activities
remotely from their
house
, a debate has emerged regarding whether
this
technology
leads a positive or negative consequences. I believe that
technology
brings a positive development despite its possible
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
influence
social
Change preposition
on social
show examples
life. The
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
of using
technology
in
this
era has helped
people
to do
activities
more
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
in terms of time and cost efficiency.
Technology
nowadays with cheaper and easier access,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
facilitate
people
to do their
activities
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
, faster, and cheaper.
For instance
, adults do not need to commute from their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
to go to
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
where they work which
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
and money,
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
they can work remotely from their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
an Internet connection which leads an efficient time and cost as they do not need to spend much time and money to travel for
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the use of
technology
has shifted the regular
activities
of
people
and reduced them to interact with each other, which can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
them to be
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
individualistic and anti-social.
People
utilize
technology
for their daily
activities
,
such
as working, studying, or even shopping,
can
Correct pronoun usage
which can
show examples
impact social
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
because it is shifted from the original way.
For instance
, children do not need to go to school
for studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
,
instead
, they can remotely study from their
house
Correct your spelling
homes
show examples
using an Internet connection without meeting any of their friends physically. It is considered that it can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
children in society into individualistic and anti-social.
However
, the utilization of
technology
can still be controlled and managed by
people
to protect
from
Correct pronoun usage
it from
show examples
misused
Change the form of the verb
misuse
show examples
. In conclusion, the
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
of using
technology
with cheaper and more accessible
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
be more efficient for
people
to help them
doing
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
their
activities
. Yet
people
still have to manage and control to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
excessive utilization of
technology
which can shift and impact their social
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by muhammad.alfarasyi on

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introduction conclusion present
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supported main points
Your main points are generally clear and are supported with relevant examples, which strengthens your argument.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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