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Writing Samples
Band 5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#world #adults #home #children #study #technology #development
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Due to
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 the
advanceed
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advanced
technology
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 nowadays with cheap and easy access,
people
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start
Wrong verb form
have started
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 to do
activities
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 remotely from their
house
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, a debate has emerged regarding whether
this
Linking Words
technology
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 leads a positive or negative consequences. I believe that
technology
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 brings a positive development despite its possible
to
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apply
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influence
social
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on social
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 life. The
convenient
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convenience
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 of using
technology
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 in
this
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 era has helped
people
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 to do
activities
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 more
effective
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effectively
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 in terms of time and cost efficiency.
Technology
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 nowadays with cheaper and easier access,
it
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apply
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facilitate
people
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 to do their
activities
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easier
Rephrase
more easily
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, faster, and cheaper.
For instance
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, adults do not need to commute from their
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house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 to go to
office
Add an article
the office
an office
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 where they work which
spend
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spends
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times
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time
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 and money,
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instead
Add a comma
instead,
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 they can work remotely from their
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house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 and
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 an Internet connection which leads an efficient time and cost as they do not need to spend much time and money to travel for
working
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work
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.
On the other hand
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, the use of
technology
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 has shifted the regular
activities
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 of
people
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 and reduced them to interact with each other, which can
leads
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lead
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 them to be
an
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apply
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individualistic and anti-social.
People
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 utilize
technology
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 for their daily
activities
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,
such
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 as working, studying, or even shopping,
can
Correct pronoun usage
which can
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 impact social
trend
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trends
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 because it is shifted from the original way.
For instance
Linking Words
, children do not need to go to school
for studying
Change preposition
to study
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,
instead
Linking Words
, they can remotely study from their
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house
Correct your spelling
homes
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 using an Internet connection without meeting any of their friends physically. It is considered that it can
leads
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lead
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 children in society into individualistic and anti-social.
However
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, the utilization of
technology
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 can still be controlled and managed by
people
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 to protect
from
Correct pronoun usage
it from
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misused
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misuse
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. In conclusion, the
convenient
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convenience
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 of using
technology
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 with cheaper and more accessible
can
Correct word choice
and can
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 be more efficient for
people
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 to help them
doing
Change the form of the verb
do
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 their
activities
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. Yet
people
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 still have to manage and control to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
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excessive utilization of
technology
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 which can shift and impact their social
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Submitted by muhammad.alfarasyi on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, add more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Also, make sure to address both sides of the debate in more detail.
task achievement
Work on enhancing the clarity of your ideas. Proofreading to correct minor grammatical and vocabulary errors can help in making sentences more comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more varied transition words and phrases to link ideas more effectively. This will make your essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single point and that there is a clear logical progression from one idea to the next. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument effectively.
supported main points
Your main points are generally clear and are supported with relevant examples, which strengthens your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
What to do next:
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