IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
It is irrefutable that taking
risks
 plays a major role in every aspect of our
lives
, but it does not always lead to good results. In fact, there are both pros and cons to taking
risks
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both drawbacks and advantages and give my opinion. Let’s begin by looking at the disadvantages of
risk
.
it is clear that
 it may result in failure. In some cases, the results of
risk
 have a heavy price.
In other words
, the result can be decompensation.
For example
, when a person invests all his assets in a company, it is an action with a high
risk
.
Such
risks
 are dangerous, and individuals should avoid doing it.
In addition
, engaging in hazardous activities,
such
 as paragliding, can hurt your body or even lead to death.
However
,
risk
 is an essential part of our
lives
 because we can try our chance for opportunities. By taking
risks
 we can have a chance to open new doors and make progress.
Although
 sometimes
risks
 may lead to disastrous consequences, we have to take
risks
 to change the situation.
Also
, we can learn from our mistakes.
Furthermore
, we live in an unknown world, so if we want to get familiar with the world around us, we need to take
risks
.
Moreover
, developments in technology have been caused by taking
risks
, so I believe that the benefits outweigh any negatives.
To conclude
, taking
risks
 plays a crucial role in both our occupations and private
lives
. It can have a negative impact or a positive on our
lives
, but it is necessary for making progress. I believe that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks. If we avoid taking
risks
, we will not obtain success.
Submitted by fatemeh1994bahrami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
To achieve higher scores, you should focus on providing more specific examples to support your ideas. For instance, instead of saying 'invests all his assets in a company,' you could specify a real-life example or create a more vivid hypothetical scenario.
clear comprehensive ideas
Continue to improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. For example, try to develop your arguments with more detailed explanations to make your points clearer and more impactful.
logical structure
Ensure the use of appropriate vocabulary and grammar throughout the essay. Minor grammatical errors, like 'it is an action with a high risk,' can be improved to 'such actions are high-risk.'
introduction conclusion present
You have an effective introduction and conclusion, both of which clearly outline your stance and summarize the main points.
complete response
Your essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.
logical structure
You have managed to logically organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: