IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Whether or not someone achieve their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary society, the question of whether
luck
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 is the most crucial element contributing to a person's
success
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 or not has sparked controversy among scholars and the general public.
Although
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 I acknowledge that fortune does play an important role in helping people reach their objectives, I contend that hard work and determination are more critical in determining an individual's
success
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. It is indisputable that
luck
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 can be considered a significant factor leading to the achievement of an individual.
To begin
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 with, some citizens are fortunate enough to be born into affluent families, which allows them to receive a superior education or commence their own businesses without needing financial support.
As a result
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, these individuals typically enjoy better opportunities to succeed compared to those coming from impoverished backgrounds.
Furthermore
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, some citizens are endowed with outstanding talents that others do not possess.
For example
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, Mozart displayed extraordinary musical abilities at an early age, and Lionel Messi demonstrated exceptional football skills early in his career.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that
while
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luck
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 can be necessary, it is not the primary driver in achieving
success
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.
Firstly
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, inhabitants need to work diligently and exert considerable effort in their professions if they desire to be successful.
For instance
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, before becoming one of the premier football players globally, Cristiano Ronaldo dedicated countless hours to intense daily training for many years.
Secondly
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, a person is less likely to attain their targets if they do not have determination. Throughout their pursuit of
success
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, there are likely to be many inevitable obstacles, and it is important for individuals to persevere and overcome these challenges. In conclusion, despite recognizing the role of
luck
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 in facilitating
success
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 to some extent, I firmly assert that hard work and unwavering determination are pivotal. These qualities empower individuals to turn aspirations into tangible accomplishments, irrespective of initial circumstances or fortunate advantages.

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cohesion
While the essay is well-structured with clear topic sentences, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain cohesion. This can be improved by adding transition words or sentences at the beginning or end of paragraphs.
task response
Ensure that each point you make is elaborated upon with sufficient detail. While your examples are pertinent, more depth in explaining how they relate to your main point will strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is effective in setting the stage for the argument and clearly states the writer's position.
supported main points
Each main point is well supported with relevant examples, such as Cristiano Ronaldo's dedication and Lionel Messi’s talent, which help illustrate the arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • diligence
  • consistent effort
  • inherent talent
  • honing skills
  • external factors
  • upbringing
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • right place at the right time
  • contributing factor
  • conjunction
  • success
  • achievements
  • endeavors
  • fortune
  • serendipity
  • determinants
  • efficacy
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