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Band 6

Technology has caused the death of traditional skills and ways of life. It is pointless to ensure their survival. Do you agree or disagree?

#technology #death #skills #life
In the present, traditional skills and ways of life are destroyed by
technology
.
However
, some people think that they are not more important than
technology
.
This
 essay will express the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 situation. There are two main benefits
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 handmade skills and old culture will disappear.
Firstly
, people will get convenience from
technology
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that innovation can fix many problems in daily life.
For instance
, some companies can use robots to replace farmers in the agriculture industry and some individuals can drive cars
instead
 of walking.
Therefore
, it is more comfortable than the original way of life.
In addition
, the second reason is that
technology
 resolves many difficult problems.
This
 is because some issues can not be addressed by humans.
For example
, people use computer programs to analyse solutions and find the best way to resolve problems.
As a result
, humans will have many alternatives to resolve issues.
Moreover
, the most important reason is that innovation reduces the stage of work.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that some period of traditional work takes a lot of time which it does slowly.
For instance
,
technology
 can reduce unnecessary processes from work periods.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 the lifestyle of global citizens will be fast developing. In conclusion,
technology
 is coming to replace traditional skills and people’s lives and they can not avoid these big changes. From my perspective,
overall
 I agree with
this
 topic because the world has to move forward in the future.
However
, we can find the best way to develop innovation
along with
 maintaining traditional culture.
Submitted by name79sinlapa on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a more balanced discussion on both sides of the argument, especially if you're presenting a 'agree or disagree' stance. Include clear reasons for your viewpoint and explore the implications more thoroughly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of your essay and make your argument more coherent.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and give your essay a stronger grounding in real-world scenarios.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint regarding the statement. A thesis statement that directly responds to the essay question would make your stance clearer from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing. This will also help in enhancing the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have clearly addressed the essay topic and provided an opinion on the issue, which is crucial for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, making your argument easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You've used examples to support your points, demonstrating an understanding of how to construct an argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interplay
  • innovation
  • heritage
  • obsolete
  • cultural identity
  • diversity
  • safeguard
  • heritage
  • problem-solving
  • sustainability
  • hands-on learning
  • virtual dimensions
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • artisan
  • craftsmanship
  • ecological sustainability
  • integration
  • productivity
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