In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
You can see that in 2008, the market economy must be faced with a great depression. And the financial burden is put on the young. From that, there are many surveys showing that average
people
's weight has increased and conversely
, their health
and fitness go into free fall. And in this
essay, I will show you some of my opinions about the causes of these problems.
After the economic crisis, we can see everyone always works day and night to improve the rate of economic growth. So, it is understandable and sympathetic that young people
are willing to sacrifice their health
in exchange for jobs and money
. First,
Office life often involves sitting for long periods of time
, whether in front of a computer or a car, leading to a lack of physical activity. This
can lead to weight gain, obesity, and a higher risk of chronic health
conditions such
as heart disease, diabetes, and hypertension. Secondly
, people
nowadays tend to eat too much fast food
. This
type of food
is extremely convenient and saves time
, so people
consume more and more fast food
despite knowing its harmful effects. As a result
, people
who eat too much fast food
are more likely to become obese or diabetic. So, it is time
to change! Time
to stay healthy and keep fit.
What’s more, if we only talked about some of the reasons why unhealthy lifestyles lead to a serious decline in health
, we might underestimate the importance of finding ways to improve those problems. Normally people
would think that the government should control and increase taxes on fast food
. But in my opinion, why don't we make fast food
healthier and ensure quality? Although
both are chicken, chicken breast salad is much better than fried chicken. The most important here, I suggest raising public awareness. Running advertising campaigns to encourage people
to love in a healthy way.
In short, I just want to say we must remember that 'The best things in life are priceless'. Money
is not everything, advise us not to put things that can be bought with money
above family, friends, and most importantly, our health
. Because after all, those free things cannot be bought with money
. And health
is the most precious thing that we must preserve and cherish.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing ideas more clearly. Use clear topic sentences and linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
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Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement and contributes to your argument.
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You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing both causes and solutions to the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your points.
task response
You have made a thoughtful conclusion about the importance of health, which ties back to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.