Throughout history, people have dreamed to live in a perfect society while they haven't agreed how what the ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? What can people do to achieve an ideal society?

#history #people #society #haven #element #world

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From the ancient periods, most of the individuals in

this

Linking Words

universe are willing to live in a

good

Change the adjective

well

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organized community, whilst they don’t have any idea about

the

Correct article usage

show examples

good

society

Use synonyms

and

Correct pronoun usage

what it

show examples

will

Wrong verb form

would

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like to be.

Change preposition

In my

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point of view, a perfect

society

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is mainly depends

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mainly depends

show examples

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

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dignity and they will mix and help

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apply

show examples

each other.

This

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essay will delineate the important factors for the ideal

society

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. At first glance,

this

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world has encompassed a lot of countries. All countries have separate laws.

However

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people

Use synonyms

have thought their environment and living place must be free from crime and

offender

Fix the agreement mistake

offenders

show examples

. Because

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apply

show examples

a perfect

society

Use synonyms

means, it will become free from

illicitly

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illicit

show examples

activities.

Whilst

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

, there is no chance

to live

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of living

show examples

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in a

show examples

perfect place in

this

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universe.

Hence

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people

Use synonyms

must understand their environment and change themselves

then

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Use synonyms

will change automatically. To illustrate, Japan is one of the role model for all the country

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

all

people

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are paying taxes correctly and working hard, so the

society

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has developed itself in their country.

In addition

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

also

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having

Wrong verb form

has

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one of the major responsible for creating an ideal

society

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, which

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

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are willing to make.

Hence

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, the authorities put stringent rules to eradicate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime and robbery.

Moreover

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people

Use synonyms

should cooperate

the

Change preposition

with the

show examples

government

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government's

show examples

rules and

regulation

Fix the agreement mistake

regulations

show examples

, because a perfect

society

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should have a controlled law and order.

To sum up

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people

Use synonyms

and government both must adhere a strong rules

then

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only, it’s possible to attain a good

society

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Additionally

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, all country citizens will

endeavor

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endeavour

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to help their

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

and friends, it will flourish

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

humanity.

Submitted by smsundaram57 on Sat Jun 15 2024

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introduction conclusion

Your introduction does a good job of setting up the topic, but there are some grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that can be improved for clarity. For example, the phrase 'whilst they don’t have any idea about the good society and it will like to be' is confusing.

logical structure

The essay would benefit from more logical structuring. For instance, separating the government and people's roles into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.

supported main points

Try to develop your points more fully and provide clearer, more specific examples. For instance, the example of Japan is good but can be expanded to explain how paying taxes correctly and working hard contribute to a perfect society.

clear comprehensive ideas

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that make the ideas less clear. For instance, 'All countries have separate laws' should be 'Each country has its own laws.'

complete response

Your essay covers all the aspects of the prompt, discussing both what constitutes a perfect society and how to achieve it.

relevant specific examples

You provide a useful example by citing Japan as a role model for an ideal society. This helps to illustrate your point effectively.

introduction conclusion

Your essay is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding the overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Throughout history, people have dreamed to live in a perfect society while they haven't agreed how what the ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? What can people do to achieve an ideal society?

Fully explain your ideas

Cramming and immersion are becomingly increasingly recognised methods of gaining knowledge in an area, other people disagree and say that only through lifelong learning can a subject be learnt. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

With all the troubles in the world today, money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or diagree with this statment

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings.

Nuclear technology not only offers a lot of advantages but also threatens the world with its danger. The use of this technology should be discouraged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?