Throughout history, people have dreamed to live in a perfect society while they haven't agreed how what the ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? What can people do to achieve an ideal society?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
From the ancient periods, most of the individuals in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

universe are willing to live in a
good
Change the adjective
well

The adjective good is modifying organized instead of a noun or pronoun. Use an adverb to modify a verb, adjective, or other adverb.

show examples
organized community, whilst they don’t have any idea about
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
good
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
it
Correct pronoun usage
what it

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
will
Wrong verb form
would

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb will. Consider changing it.

show examples
like to be.
My
Change preposition
In my

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
point of view, a perfect
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is mainly depends
Change the verb form
mainly depends

It appears that the form of the verb depends does not work with is in this sentence.

show examples
on
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

people
Change noun form
people's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
dignity and they will mix and help
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
each other.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will delineate the important factors for the ideal
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. At first glance,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

world has encompassed a lot of countries. All countries have separate laws.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have thought their environment and living place must be free from crime and
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders

It seems that offender may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Because. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
a perfect
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

means, it will become free from
illicitly
Change the adverb
illicit

It appears that the adverb illicitly is attempting to modify the noun activities. Consider replacing the adverb with an adjective.

show examples
activities.
Whilst
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
, there is no chance
to live
Change preposition
of living

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
a
Change preposition
in a

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
perfect place in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

universe.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

must understand their environment and change themselves
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will change automatically. To illustrate, Japan is one of the role model for all the country
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
all
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are paying taxes correctly and working hard, so the
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has developed itself in their country.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
,
government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

having
Wrong verb form
has

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb having. Consider changing it.

show examples
one of the major responsible for creating an ideal
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are willing to make.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the authorities put stringent rules to eradicate
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
crime and robbery.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should cooperate
the
Change preposition
with the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
government
Change noun form
government's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
rules and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations

It seems that regulation may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, because a perfect
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should have a controlled law and order.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and government both must adhere a strong rules
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

only, it’s possible to attain a good
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, all country citizens will
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour

The spelling of endeavor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
to help their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood

The spelling of neighborhood is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
and friends, it will flourish
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
humanity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Your introduction does a good job of setting up the topic, but there are some grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that can be improved for clarity. For example, the phrase 'whilst they don’t have any idea about the good society and it will like to be' is confusing.
logical structure
The essay would benefit from more logical structuring. For instance, separating the government and people's roles into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
supported main points
Try to develop your points more fully and provide clearer, more specific examples. For instance, the example of Japan is good but can be expanded to explain how paying taxes correctly and working hard contribute to a perfect society.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that make the ideas less clear. For instance, 'All countries have separate laws' should be 'Each country has its own laws.'
complete response
Your essay covers all the aspects of the prompt, discussing both what constitutes a perfect society and how to achieve it.
relevant specific examples
You provide a useful example by citing Japan as a role model for an ideal society. This helps to illustrate your point effectively.
introduction conclusion
Your essay is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding the overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: