Throughout history, people have dreamed to live in a perfect society while they haven't agreed how what the ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? What can people do to achieve an ideal society?
From the ancient periods, most of the individuals in
this
universe are willing to live in a good
organized community, whilst they don’t have any idea about Change the adjective
well
the
good Correct article usage
a
society
and it
Correct pronoun usage
what it
will
like to be. Wrong verb form
would
My
point of view, a perfect Change preposition
In my
society
is mainly depends
on Change the verb form
mainly depends
people
dignity and they will mix and help Change noun form
people's
to
each other. Change preposition
apply
This
essay will delineate the important factors for the ideal society
.
At first glance, this
world has encompassed a lot of countries. All countries have separate laws. However
, people
have thought their environment and living place must be free from crime and offender
. BecauseFix the agreement mistake
offenders
,
a perfect Remove the comma
apply
society
means, it will become free from illicitly
activities. Change the adverb
illicit
Whilst
, there is no chance Correct word choice
apply
to live
Change preposition
of living
a
perfect place in Change preposition
in a
this
universe. Hence
, people
must understand their environment and change themselves then
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
will change automatically. To illustrate, Japan is one of the role model for all the country their
all Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
are paying taxes correctly and working hard, so the society
has developed itself in their country.
In addition
to
, Change preposition
apply
government
Add an article
the government
also
having
one of the major responsible for creating an ideal Wrong verb form
has
society
, which are
most Unnecessary verb
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
are willing to make. Hence
, the authorities put stringent rules to eradicate the
crime and robbery. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, people
should cooperate the
Change preposition
with the
government
rules and Change noun form
government's
regulation
, because a perfect Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
society
should have a controlled law and order.
To sum up
, people
and government both must adhere a strong rules then
only, it’s possible to attain a good society
. Additionally
, all country citizens will endeavor
to help their Change the spelling
endeavour
neighborhood
and friends, it will flourish Change the spelling
neighbourhood
the
humanity.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by smsundaram57 on
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introduction conclusion
Your introduction does a good job of setting up the topic, but there are some grammatical issues and awkward phrasing that can be improved for clarity. For example, the phrase 'whilst they don’t have any idea about the good society and it will like to be' is confusing.
logical structure
The essay would benefit from more logical structuring. For instance, separating the government and people's roles into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
supported main points
Try to develop your points more fully and provide clearer, more specific examples. For instance, the example of Japan is good but can be expanded to explain how paying taxes correctly and working hard contribute to a perfect society.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that make the ideas less clear. For instance, 'All countries have separate laws' should be 'Each country has its own laws.'
complete response
Your essay covers all the aspects of the prompt, discussing both what constitutes a perfect society and how to achieve it.
relevant specific examples
You provide a useful example by citing Japan as a role model for an ideal society. This helps to illustrate your point effectively.
introduction conclusion
Your essay is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding the overall structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.