Some people believe that modern technology, such as the internet and smartphones,creates more problems than it solves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
The
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
technology
, in particular
, the internet
and smartphones have been dominating the human life in this
century. The series of global conglomerates are running to achieve the newer technology
for their smartphones
brand. Nowadays, mobile phones are not only Change the noun form
smartphone
a
Correct article usage
apply
communicating
Replace the word
communication
device
but Fix the agreement mistake
devices
also
an
Correct article usage
apply
entertaining
, studying, Replace the word
entertainment
even
working Correct word choice
and even
device
. I believe that the benefit of Fix the agreement mistake
devices
the
Correct article usage
apply
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
technology
giving to human being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
,
is much greater than its problem.
Remove the comma
apply
Firstly
, back to two decades ago, at the time when self-exploring a new destination, tourists had to bring their owned
maps, kept asking local people about Replace the word
own
direction
to famous restaurants, wandering for hours just to look for a Fix the agreement mistake
directions
hightlight
tourist attraction... Correct your spelling
highlight
On the contrary
, today tourists only need to go with their smartphones with
the Change preposition
to
internet
, they can be confident to self-travel even to the Northern Pole.
Secondly
, studying will be how difficult if the students have no support from the internet
or any electronic device
. They would spend ten more times
for searching ideas from books, Fix the agreement mistake
time
newspaper
articles for their essay. Correct word choice
and newspaper
Besides
, students can use these electronic
Change the determiner
this electronic device
these electronic devices
device
for entertainment, such
as games, social media or just video call
for family...
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
Additionally
, no need to say how important that high tecnology
support Correct your spelling
technology
for
office workers. Today, we can work from home, Add a missing verb
is for
join
in an Correct word choice
and join
internetional
meeting via online room. Sometimes, the internal e-mail system goes wrong, it is like all employees having a Correct your spelling
international
day-off
.
Correct your spelling
day off
On the other hand
, overusing internet
of teenagers is a potential risk. Teenagers may be influenced Correct article usage
the internet
some
''poisoned Change preposition
by some
thinkings
'' from social media. There should be a control or a limit from their parents or school teachers.
In conclusion, overcoming the little issue that Correct your spelling
thinking
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
technology
would harm, I think we are enjoying the heyday of technological time.
.Submitted by minhchau8487 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar
Improve the grammatical accuracy to make sentences clearer and more professional. For example, 'mordern' should be 'modern,' 'owned maps' can be 'their own maps' and 'hightlight tourist attraction' should be 'highlight tourist attraction.'
coherence cohesion
The transition between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Try linking sentences and paragraphs more clearly for better coherence and cohesion. For instance, use transition words like 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'on the other hand.'
evidence
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For example, mention particular apps or studies that illustrate how modern technology aids in work and study.
conclusion
Expand your conclusion to summarize the main points more comprehensively. The conclusion should encapsulate all key arguments presented in the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion on the benefits of modern technology over its problems.
introduction
The introduction is engaging and sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.