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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness ?

#happiness #life #factors
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The importance of
happiness
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 in our lives could hardly be overestimated.
Although
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 it is not so easy to define, as
people
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 are different, some factors can be equally important to everyone.
Happiness
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 is a feeling, and feelings are very hard to measure and classify. Every person has their own vision of what
happiness
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 is.
For example
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,
people
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 with the same salary may not have the same
level
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 of
happiness
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,
while
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people
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 with different earnings may feel equally happy. Some studies about
happiness
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 suggested focusing on several parameters to compare the
level
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 of
happiness
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 among the different individuals. The first parameter is the
level
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 of
security
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. The study claims that without food
security
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 and physical
security
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,
people
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 cannot be happy. The basic
security
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 needs should be provided to the
people
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 to be happy.
In addition
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, the feeling of social
security
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 plays a significant role as well.
For example
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, in the Nordic countries, the highest
level
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 of
happiness
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 is defined, where the crime
level
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 is low, and
people
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 feel that the government support their basic needs. The second parameter
that is
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 taken into consideration is the working-life balance.
People
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 who work regular hours and spend several hours a day with their families report a high
level
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 of
happiness
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. No doubt they get enough money to support an average life,
however
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, their earnings are not extremely high.
In addition
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, being part of a community is an important part of life and affects the feeling of
happiness
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 each person has an individual vision of
happiness
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, there are some criteria that can be common to everyone,
such
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 as a feeling of
security
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, belongingness and balance between work and the family.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs. Currently, the introduction and body paragraphs are connected, but the flow can be smoother.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples and elaborations on the factors leading to happiness to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking back the points discussed in the body to the introduction and conclusion more effectively to create a strong cohesive structure.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: why happiness is difficult to define and the factors important in achieving it.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up the essay well, while the conclusion neatly summarizes the points discussed.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides relevant points regarding the factors that contribute to happiness.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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