IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufacturerd food and drink products contain high level of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugar product should be made more expensive people to consume less sugar, Do you agree or disagree

It is argued that excessive
sugar
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 in processed foods and drinks causes various
health
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 problems. Some people believe that increasing the price of sugary
products
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 would discourage consumption and
thus
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 reduce
sugar
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 intake.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 view, as there is insufficient evidence to suggest that
such
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 a measure would be effective.
This
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 essay will explain my reasons in detail.
Firstly
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, raising the cost of sugary foods and beverages may simply lead consumers to switch to cheaper alternatives, which are often less healthy.
In other words
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, a price increase could push people towards low-cost, low-quality
products
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 that might pose even greater
health
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 risks.
For example
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, if a sugary drink becomes too expensive, buyers may opt for cheaper options produced by manufacturers who compromise on quality.
Consequently
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, increasing prices could inadvertently encourage unhealthy eating habits rather than reduce
sugar
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 consumption.
Moreover
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,
this
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 approach could have negative consequences for the economy. Approximately 90
percent
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per cent
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 of food and drinks contain natural or artificial preservatives, and many businesses rely heavily on producing these
products
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. If prices rise, demand is likely to fall, leading to reduced sales and financial losses for these industries.
This
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 decline could ultimately affect national economic growth and reduce gross domestic income. In conclusion,
although
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 excessive
sugar
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 consumption is harmful to
health
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, it is ultimately the responsibility of individuals to make informed dietary choices. Raising the prices of sugary
products
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 is unlikely to achieve the desired
health
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 outcomes and could
instead
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 harm both consumers and businesses

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task achievement
Try to provide an example for every main point you make. This helps support your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more clearly from one to the next. Using linking words can help with this.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the essay.
task achievement
You present two main reasons that support your argument against increasing sugar prices.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured products
  • high sugar content
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • discouraged
  • purchasing behavior
  • incidence rates
  • economic impact
  • consumer behavior
  • reformulate
  • healthier options
  • sugar tax
  • nudge consumers
  • behavioral economics
  • incentives
  • disincentives
  • alternative solutions
  • public education campaigns
  • food labeling
  • subsidies
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