Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In modern times more and more individuals are visiting non-traditional medical centers and refusing
treatment
from professional doctors. This
essay will discuss the negative impacts of such
a modern trend and illustrate my viewpoint with supporting examples of cancer
treatment
and self-medication.
In our current social life, it is widespread/very common among senior people
to use alternative
methods of medicine, especially herbal pills. They take them for various illnesses, from headaches to bone disease. However
, many of those herbal medicines do not have any scientific evidence that proves their beneficial properties. This
is especially dangerous when patients
refuse traditional treatment
in favour of alternative
ones. For example
, when cancer
patients
choose herbal treatment
instead
of chemotherapy that can lead to tragic consequences. As a result
, those cancer
patients
lose precious time for effective cancer
treatment
and a chance to prolong/extend their own lives.
Another reason why alternative
medicine can cause adverse effects is self-diagnosing and unprofessional self-treatment
. Nowadays many people
are selling scam products to people
with health problems. Those poor consumers spend their savings on some empty promises,
because most of the mentioned scam products are simply Remove the comma
apply
vitamins
. For instance
, there was a big hair
grow vitamins
campaign which promised its users recovery of damaged hair
and growth of new hair
cells. But these hair
vitamins
actually created many hair
and skin problems. This
resulted in a huge scandal and in a lot of cases these practices worsen the conditions of people
and lead to serious hair
loss.
In conclusion, due to
the development of interest in alternative
medicine, many people
believe that it has both positive and negative sides. Despite that, in my opinion, the use of alternative
methods of treatment
can lead to serious health-related issues as described with cases of cancer
patients
and scam hair
vitamins
which resulted in severe ramifications due to
their application.Submitted by sa_artek on
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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear statement of the essay's focus, which is a good start. However, you can enhance clarity by making the thesis statement more specific about your stance.
task achievement
While the arguments are clear and relevant, the language could be more formal to fit academic writing. For example, instead of 'big hair grow vitamins campaign,' you could say 'a significant marketing campaign for hair growth vitamins.'
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try using more transitional phrases to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, the phrase 'In addition' can be used at the start of the second body paragraph to connect it to the first body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is supported with examples, which is good. However, ensure that the examples are consistently thorough. For instance, the example of cancer patients could benefit from more detailed description or statistics to strengthen your argument further.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, presenting a clear stance on the issue and summarizing the main arguments succinctly.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the discussion on herbal treatments for cancer and scam products, which make your points more compelling and relatable.
supported main points
The main points of the essay are logical and easy to follow, and you stay on topic throughout the essay, making your argument clearly understood.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.