IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some consider
Use synonyms
plants
Fix the agreement mistake
plant
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 and
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animals
Change the noun form
animal
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 extinction to be the modern era’s main environmental problem,
while
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 others argue that “survival of the fittest” is the primary reason many weaker
species
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 have become extinct and climate change is the more pressing matter.
This
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 essay will explore why stopping
pollution
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 should take priority
to
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over
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 saving dying
species
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. There have been many attempts to preserve endangered
species
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 in zoos
as well as
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 laboratories. It is estimated that there are currently more than a thousand active revitalization and protection programs for
plants
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 and
animals
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 throughout the world,
such
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 as the Chinese panda breeding initiative, the white rhino security
personnels
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personnel
 in Africa or the genetic modification to revive dead
plants
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 in America. But regardless of the effort, biodiversity still dwindles
due to
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 negative changes in the worldwide biosphere.
Therefore
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it is clear that
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pollution
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 is the more important problem that needs to be addressed. Industrial exhaust, oil spills and deforestation are major factors that contribute to the extinction of various
animals
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. If these effects are halted or reversed, nature will recover, affording plant and animal
species
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 greater survivability. One example of
this
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 was during the Coronavirus outbreak in 2020: a large number of factories worldwide were closed for quarantine which significantly reduced
pollution
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, resulting in improved environment in the oceans
as well as
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 forests. In conclusion, stopping
pollution
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 should take precedence over the effort to protect dying wildlife. When pollutants are removed,
plants
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 and
animals
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 will be able to thrive in habitable areas
thus
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 preventing extinction.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear indication of the issues being discussed. However, consider elaborating a bit more on both views before stating your stance to provide a smoother transition to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent, there are a few places where transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try using more linking words and phrases to improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported, but the discussion could benefit from further elaboration on how each specific example ties back to your main argument. This will enhance the reader's understanding of your perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to revisit your conclusion and possibly summarise both views a bit more strongly before providing your final opinion. This will reinforce the balance in your discussion.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like the Chinese panda breeding initiative and the Coronavirus pandemic’s environmental impact, adds depth to your argument and demonstrates your point effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well and provide a solid structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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