Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

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Childhood obesity is
crucial
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a crucial
the crucial
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issue in Australia, affecting a large number of
students
. Many suggest that education should play an important role in children’s health and can help combat
this
problem.
This
essay will discuss how schools are required to monitor student’s eating habits and exercise
level
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levels
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to address overweight children. h On one hand, formal institutions should monitor what pupils eat to promote healthy eating habits. First and foremost, by providing healthy meals and snacks, schools can influence children’s dietary choices, which can lead to reduce the number of obesity cases.
For example
, educational institutions provide fresh fruits and vegetables
instead
of sugary snacks in the lunchroom.
Additionally
,
this
approach helps youngsters develop better eating habits, which can improve their
overall
health.
As a result
, it is essential for schools to manage the food choices available
for
Change preposition
to
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students
.
On the other hand
, educational facilities should encourage regular physical activity among
students
during school hours.
This
is because by incorporating exercise into
curriculum
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the curriculum
show examples
,
students
are more likely to stay active and healthy.
For instance
, scheduling daily physical education and offering extracurricular sports can motivate children to engage in more physical programs.
Furthermore
, increased physical activity contributes to maintaining a healthy weight and
overall
fitness.
Consequently
, the classroom environment plays a vital role in encouraging physical well-being among their peers, which can
lead
Verb problem
be
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significantly useful in reducing their health problems. In conclusion, both dietary monitoring and promoting exercise are essential in addressing childhood overweight
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. Formal institutions have an important responsibility to ensure
students
have access to healthy diet choices and
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
for physical activity.
Submitted by caroot on

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task achievement
Ensure all introduced points are supported by clear examples or explanations, which can enhance the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Improve consistency in using singular and plural forms, e.g., "student's eating habits" should be "students' eating habits."
coherence cohesion
Aim to expand on the conclusion by summarizing the discussed points and their implications effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction that states the purpose of the discussion.
task achievement
Main points are well-related to the task, giving a complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
Examples provided give a clearer understanding, such as schools providing fresh fruits and engaging students in physical activities.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • monitor
  • responsibility
  • nutrition
  • physical activities
  • primary responsibility
  • complement
  • mandatory
  • limiting
  • availability
  • junk food
  • canteens
  • collaborative efforts
  • comprehensive approach
  • limitations
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