Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of differen cultures and ages toghether. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
The debate over the impacts of
music
on people
's closeness has sparked considerable controversy. While
some advocate for music
benefiting solely young-old relationships, I subscribe to the fact
that its positive effect on people
's closeness from distinct cultures is of equal significance due to
the reasons this
essay further
elaborates on.
To begin
with, music
speaks in a language whose elements are something beyond words, namely rhythms. Being of universal understanding, these rhythms create a common ground in which people
can be brought together, well regardless of their physical location. This
togetherness is achieved without travelling overseas to get to know a foreign country due to
the development of cutting-edge technology. Being able to listen to songs of any genre and of any country, individuals get to know other cultures in the comfort of their homes, fostering a mutual understanding and thus
, being brought closer to one another. To illustrate, an Iranian person can listen to African music
and by vibing with it, one can foster the knowledge of the African language and music
genre, therefore
; feeling closer to the African community.
In addition
, music
contributions extend far beyond cross-cultural understanding and foster a sense of community among people
from all walks of life. This
is mainly because of Instrumental music
which is capable of attaching any meaning to it. Consequently
, the elderly can find a song that is
quite popular among youngsters pleasurable despite the fact
that they have grasped a whole different meaning from it. This
notion, whilst proving the spectacular language of music
, creates a friendly atmosphere in which old and young generations can get closer together. Take the artist Hans Zimmer as an example; he's a magnificent composer of numerous instrumental music
and his concerts are always filled with people
ranging from 10 to 60 years old, highlighting the fact
that every walk of life relishes his music
and can strengthen their bond through this
shared interest.
To conclude
, although
some claim that music
only contributes to peoples' togetherness by giving information about different cultures, I firmly believe that it also
creates a common ground for people
of all generations to come closer together. In fact
, music
not only fosters a mutual comprehension of distinctive societies,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
creates intimacy within society in spite of any generation gap.Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on
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grammar
Your essay is strong overall, but be cautious about some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'people’s closeness has sparked considerable controversy' could be worded more smoothly. Consider revising sentences for better clarity and flow.
structure
Try to further divide your ideas into clearer paragraphs. A well-defined structure with clear topic sentences for each paragraph would enhance the readability and logical flow of your essay.
clarity
Be careful with overcomplicated sentences. While sophisticated vocabulary is good, your primary focus should be on conveying your ideas clearly and effectively.
content
You provided a clear and well-developed response to the essay prompt, addressing how music can bridge cultural and generational gaps effectively.
examples
Your use of specific examples, such as the reference to Hans Zimmer, was effective and strengthened your arguments.
structure
You have a strong introduction and conclusion which frames the essay nicely, making it easier for the reader to grasp your main points.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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