IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both of these two views and give your own opinion.

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In today’s rapidly evolving world, the controversy surrounds the issue of whether the
crime
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 motive should be considered for sentencing the offenders. Personally, I assume that the reasons behind the
crime
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 should be taken into consideration. A panel of people are of the opinion that the main reason behind the
crime
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 should not remain elusive. To commence with, they claim that there are different types of motivation for each mode of
crime
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. To specify, a suspect who is accused of murder can be either a murderer or just a victim who wants to defend himself.
Although
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,
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apply
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 he is in charge of someone’s death, he is not a real criminal and just aims to rescue himself against that murderer.
Consequently
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, it is not fair to treat him like a professional offender and sentence him to a capital punishment
such
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 as execution.
On the other hand
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, opponents assert that punishment for each type of offence must have a framework. They are intensely convinced that if any individual commits a
crime
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, he must carry a fixed sentence. No matter what is the purpose behind
this
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 offence, everyone should follow an identical treatment programme when it comes to justice. To exemplify, if a person drives faster than the speed limit in order to visit his terminally ill mother in the hospital, is as guilty as a theft who runs away from cops and his speed is over the limit.
In other words
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, both are accused of traffic offences, and they must be punished equally.
To conclude
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, despite the fact that every single suspect should be treated within a fixed framework, I firmly believe that the motive behind the
crime
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 should be made clear. Because an unintentional
crime
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 should not be judged as same as a deliberate one.

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task achievement
Your essay overall is strong, but the task response can be further improved by providing more specific examples that are clearly relevant to the points being made.
task achievement
Try to develop ideas more comprehensively by exploring the counterarguments in greater depth. This can help demonstrate a balanced view and a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your coherence and cohesion are quite good, but extra effort in structuring your arguments logically can elevate your essay to the next level. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, try to state the two opposing views more explicitly to give the reader a clear roadmap of what will be discussed.
conclusion present
Your conclusion is clear and summarizes your stance effectively, providing a thoughtful final point.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs focusing on distinct points, which aids in reader comprehension.
introduction present
The introduction sets up the discussion adequately, although it could benefit from a bit more context about the two views being examined.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported with examples, especially in the first body paragraph.
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