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Band 5.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
In some areas, younger generations are often given the importance of dedication to achieve what they want. In the writer’s opinion,
this
 advice allows
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to achieve goals in their academics.
This
 essay will discuss the two aspects of encouragement to children. When it comes to, younger people often are committed to studying in their school by hearing advice from teachers and parents.
As a result
, a lot of
students
 are preoccupied with social pressures and academics from numerous forces.
This
 is because these effects exert an extremely negative influence on children’s mental development.
Moreover
, they assume that they have no time to away from academics.
Additionally
, those who study hard without rejuvenating time and working out, often lead to burnout.
However
, advising and supporting
students
 in endeavours to achieve their goals for the future can be of great help in achieving high performance.
Therefore
, they can devote a significant amount of time and effort to their academic goals
,
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apply
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 and leads to a positive influence on their results. These days, plenty of
students
 easily give up any hard tasks, but those who are often given cheering and encouragement from adults, have a positive mindset to tackle any challenging tasks during tough periods.
This
 mindset plays a significant role in their life.
In addition
,
students
 who often supported by teachers and parents,making them feel confident and endurance. In conclusion, sometimes encouragements from adults affect children in a negative way,
however
, there are several advantages to their high achievement and mental development.
Submitted by dksrlgus1017 on

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Task Achievement
Start with a proper introduction that clearly outlines the topic and states your stance or purpose. This will provide a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your main ideas are divided into paragraphs that each focus on a single point. This will enhance the clarity and organization of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments and make the essay flow more smoothly. For example, use phrases like 'on the one hand,' 'on the other hand,' or 'furthermore.'
Task Achievement
Support your points with specific, relevant examples or evidence. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to address both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing an understanding of the task requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The writer shows an ability to convey ideas and arguments despite minor language inaccuracies.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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