IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that exercise is key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #exercise #health #diet
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In the modern era, because of the increasing demand for a high quality of life, more and more individuals care about their health.
While
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 many believe that staying physically active is the best way to keep them healthy, I personally feel that it is more crucial for citizens to have a balanced eating habit. On the one hand, there are two major reasons why citizens consider it vital to do regular physical activities.
Firstly
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, exercise controls weight. Thanks to the amounts of calories burnt during workouts, people now can prevent excess fat gain or maintain muscle mass.
Secondly
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, staying physically active is beneficial for mental health. Exercise stimulates various brain chemicals that leave humans feeling happier and more relaxed. They may
also
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 feel better about their appearance and themselves which can boost confidence and improve self-esteem.
On the other hand
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, I strongly believe that it is better to have a balanced and healthy eating.
To begin
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, when citizens consume a wide variety of wholesome food, they can maintain a healthy body weight more easily.
Additionally
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, a healthy
diet
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 is the principal weapon against cardiovascular disease. Unrefined whole grains, fruit and vegetables which are rich in vitamins, minerals and fibre are
also
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 low in calories. Including a variety of these in the
diet
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 can help control both weight and blood pressure, both of which are risk factors for heart disease.
Last
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 but not least, one of the most noticeable benefits of a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is energy. A well-rounded meal supplies residents' bodies with sufficient amounts of vitamins, minerals and nutrients that can provide the essential energy for daily activities.
To sum up
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,
although
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 it is often argued that it is crucial for some to stay physically active, I maintain that having a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is vital in the modern world.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to balance your discussion equally on both viewpoints before presenting your opinion. This helps in providing a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-structured, aim to elaborate a bit more on how the points in each paragraph are interconnected. This will improve your cohesion score.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets a good context for the discussion.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a well-rounded conclusion that summarizes your points effectively.
logical structure
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Metabolism
  • Chronic diseases
  • Immune system
  • Mental well-being
  • Nutrients
  • Malnutrition
  • Obesity
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Circulation
  • Nutrient distribution
  • Preventive health
  • Energy levels
  • Balanced diet
  • Essential nutrients
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